


Alchemy's Price

by Catw00man, Zippit



Series: The Creation of an Amestrian Soldier [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Another Road Traveled Universe, Community: fma_big_bang, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-20
Updated: 2012-03-20
Packaged: 2017-11-02 06:34:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 38,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/365997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catw00man/pseuds/Catw00man, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zippit/pseuds/Zippit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a battle in Lior with Envy and Gluttony where Roy was injured and Ed was poisoned, rendering him unable to use his alchemy, Ed and Roy travel back to Central to try and set things right with Ed’s alchemy and each other.</p><div class="center">
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            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [Another Road Traveled](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Another_Road_Traveled) collection and is the second part of the series [The Creation of an Amestrian Soldier](http://archiveofourown.org/series/10225). It follows directly after [Faith's Battlefield](http://archiveofourown.org/works/239826/chapters/368549), but may be read on its own if you choose.
> 
> We were honored to work on this story with the very talented artist, [**PlasticApollos**](http://plasticapollos.deviantart.com/) who provided some beautiful artwork that can be found at the bottom of Chapter 1 as well as the lovely banner seen above. We'd like to thank her for her time in adding to this work.
> 
> Written for the 2012 round of [fmabigbang](http://fmabigbang.livejournal.com).  
> 

The scenery flies by outside the window, landscape slowly changing from Eastern desert to rolling hills so gradually you’d have to be watching to see the change. And he has. The constant swaying of the train and clack-clack of the tracks didn’t leave him much of an option. He’s never been one to sleep on trains, they always made him nauseous and he could never completely relax despite the additional comforts his rank afforded him. The snores coming from the padded bench across from him, however, makes it obvious Ed has no such trouble. Roy shakes his head and turns to look out the window again at trees and rolling hills drifting from one side of the window to the other. His stomach lurches and maybe that wasn’t such a good idea. There’s no doubt about it. He hates trains.

Roy shifts in his seat, carefully so he doesn’t jostle his arm too much, but even that slight movement has him closing his eyes in pain. Thankfully one of the medics at the safe house last night was actually a full-fledged doctor. From what Roy can remember through the pain filled haze when he was checked over, he’s apparently very lucky there was a doctor on hand with all the damage he did, not that he had much of an option. Between the pain from his gunshot wound and the alchemic backlash, he was unconscious halfway through the minor surgery it took to ensure his shoulder would heal properly. Something easy enough to chalk up to the gunshot wound because the last thing they need is some doctor wondering why he winces every time he moves. He’ll still need to have it looked at in Central, but he was assured if he didn’t use it and let it heal he should retain most, if not full, mobility.

He sighs at the thought then opens his eyes when a particularly loud snore comes from the other side of the compartment. Ed’s stretched across the length of the seat, head pillowed on his red coat that’s still wrapped around the books they found and the knife that wounded him. One arm's wrapped around the bundle while the other lays along the edge of seat. Roy wasn’t very happy with the idea of Ed using the bundle as a pillow but Ed assured him he’d be careful and that he wouldn’t really sleep anyway. That was more than four hours ago.

Roy shakes his head and continues to run his gaze over him. Long strands of golden hair have worked free from his braid and all over his face. He’s blowing a piece of it with each snore and the sight brings a small smile to his lips. Ed’s lying on his side with his knees slightly bent, the soles of his feet just inches from the wall, and it’s only now Roy realizes he would barely fit on the bench were he completely stretched out. Is it possible he’s grown during the months they’ve been apart? It looks like he has. He looks older, even in sleep, and the fact evokes a pang of regret deep in his chest. Ed’s already grown up too fast, he shouldn’t have played an additional role in making him grow up even faster.

Roy reaches up and slides his fingers under the stiff sling strap that’s rubbing against the back of his neck. It’s been bothering him since he woke up and he’s fairly certain that even with the padding one of the medics tried to provide it’s still going to rub his skin raw. It’s a minor discomfort in the grand scheme of things, but it’s still annoying. Another thing in a long list of them he wishes he didn’t have to deal with right now. He rubs his neck to get a little relief but the rough ignition cloth only seems to irritate it more. It’s a combination of oversensitivity and lackluster material with a healthy dose of Lior’s sand combining to make it worse. He pulls his hand away and rests it back in his lap as his eyes are drawn to Ed again. 

He hasn’t been able to think about much else today, and considering the turn his thoughts have taken it’s not a good thing. There are dozens of things he needs to sort out right now. The whole town of Lior seemed out of control. He wasn’t able to get a very good assessment on the situation, but no engagement should be dragging on this long or be that chaotic with so many troops stationed there. The whole feel of it wasn’t right. Ishval was an all-out war and it wasn’t nearly so out of control. Something more is going on there. And that’s just one of the things he needs to be focused on instead of the fact Ed kissed him last night.

Roy fists his left hand against his thigh and ignores the twinges he feels from the alchemic backlash. Pain is the least of his concerns right now. He never should’ve let it happen. He shouldn’t have allowed it, but it’s not like he was in a condition to do much about it. He couldn’t even pull Ed from his nightmares without Havoc’s help. He had no chance at fending off a scared and needy Edward.

Not that he even wanted to….

He runs his eyes over Ed’s sleeping form and slowly shakes his head. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to kiss him. He’s missed him like crazy since Ed called an end to things between them, but that didn’t make it right. Nothing’s changed. Last night was nothing more than Ed being scared and him being too influenced by pain killers and pain to think clearly. That’s an argument for impaired judgment if he ever heard one. He knows he said things he shouldn’t have and he’ll deal with that later. Now he needs to focus on more important things like what’s wrong with Ed’s alchemy.

Roy turns his head when the compartment door slides open then relaxes when he sees who it is. Havoc peeks his head inside and Roy realizes he must look worse than he thought when Havoc’s eyes soften and he gives him a sympathetic look. Getting a look at himself in the mirror hadn’t been high on his list of things to do and part of him doesn’t want to know how bad it is. Roy attempts to straighten up a bit more but quickly realizes it’s not worth it.

“The little boss is still asleep?” Havoc looks over at Ed with a mildly concerned expression as he leans into the side of the doorway and it makes Roy start to think about how long Ed’s actually been sleeping. He slept most of the night after his nightmare and talked like he was determined to ensure Roy got plenty of rest on the train. But then as soon as the train pulled from the station Ed was out like a light. Honestly, he’s a little surprised Ed hasn’t pitched himself out of the seat with his shifting and woken himself that way. He’s come close a few times but only settled down again. Did he always sleep so much? Could whatever’s affecting his alchemy be causing this? The sooner they get back to Central, the happier Roy will be.

“Yes, Lieutenant. Apparently trains agree with Fullmetal.” Havoc turns his gaze back to him and Roy doesn’t miss the way he relaxes. Good. He was hoping his explanation would be enough. There’s no point in having Havoc even more distracted when there’s nothing they can do about it. “I’ll be sure to send him to relieve you as soon as he’s awake.”

“No need to worry about that, Chief.” Havoc shakes his head and crosses his arms. “I’m good keeping watch. I just wanted to let you know they’ll have lunch available soon.” He looks over to Ed again before turning his attention back to Roy. “Should I…?”

Roy shakes his head when Havoc tilts his in Ed’s direction. “Don’t bother. If he doesn’t wake up before then I’m sure the smell of food will get his attention.”

Havoc laughs and nods. “You’re probably right about that. I’ll make sure to let you know when it’s ready.” He steps back into the corridor, hand on the door handle, then pauses to lean back into the compartment. “Is there anything else I can get you?” There’s no mistaking the softer tone in Havoc’s voice and Roy sighs quietly in response. He appreciates his concern, but right now all he needs is a real bed and a couple days rest among other things.

“I’m fine for now, Lieutenant.” Roy looks him over once more and familiar relief fills him at the casual way Havoc stands, loose limbed and in full command of his body, as if his spine had never been severed. It’s been months, but Roy’s certain it’ll be a lot longer before he stops thinking about how lucky they are the alkahestry actually worked. “Make sure and take care of yourself. We should be fine on the train.”

Havoc gives him a dismissive gesture as he shuts the door and Roy smiles. He’s not the only one who doesn’t like being fussed over. Well turnabout is fair play. If Havoc wants to hover over him he can expect the same in return. Yes, Jean’s assured him repeatedly the only ill effect he’s had is stiffness in his back in the mornings, but they can’t be too careful. It’s early yet. They’ve barely scratched the surface of what’s possible. If they only knew more about this alkahestry….

“Wha—who’s there?” Ed sits up abruptly and whips his head around looking for some imagined foe. Roy smiles at his disheveled appearance. It was probably the door sliding shut that woke him, but Ed has no idea as he looks over the compartment, fly away hair framing his face and tension in every line of his body.

“It’s alright, Fullmetal. Havoc was just checking on us.” Ed shoots him a distracted scowl then looks over at the window. His eyes widen, and then he frowns. He shakes his head to get the loose strands of hair out of his face then rolls his shoulders, stretching first his automail arm then his normal arm over his head elbow first before fully extending his arm.

“How long was I out?” Ed scoots over to the window and rests his forearm against the sill as he gazes out. It’s only a moment before he’s already absently pulling his hair tie free to redo his ponytail. “Where are we?”

“A couple hundred miles west of Lior, I’d imagine.” Ed’s head turns sharply to look at him over his shoulder. He finishes redoing his hair with quick, fast motions then curls one hand against the sill of the window while the other rests in his lap. There’s irritation and confusion in his eyes and it makes Roy wonder again if his long slumber has something to do with whatever happened to him. “As for how long, you’ve been out since this morning so I’d say about four or five hours.” Normally he’d look at his watch, but right now he has no desire to move and give away how much he’s hurting.

“Are you _shitting_ me?” Ed pulls back from the window and sits up straighter, smoothing out the white, military issue button down shirt he got from the safe house. His fingers slide down the buttons then end up rubbing the shirt corner between flesh fingers with occasional sharp tugs like the material doesn’t sit right against his skin. Roy was a little surprised he didn’t change into one of his customary black shirts once they retrieved his suitcase from the station, but he was barely awake when they made their way onto the train. Now he’s fussing with it and Roy rolls his eyes.

“I’m not and if you hate it that much, why don’t you just change?”

“What?”

Ed looks at him in confusion and Roy attempts to relax. The last thing he needs right now is to get into an argument with him. But he’s already uncomfortable from the train ride, and his injuries aren’t putting him in the best of moods. Ed’s fidgeting around over something meaningless just increases his irritation.

“Your shirt. You’re driving me crazy messing around with it. If you don’t like it, put on one of your own and give it a rest.” His words are harsher than he intends but he can’t help it. Ed’s fiddling with the collar, pulling it away from his neck then smoothing it back into place again, and his squirming around seems to make the train rock even worse.

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the…pile of straw this morning.” Ed makes a face at the stupidity of his own comment then shrugs. “Sorry, if it’s bothering you that much….” He stands to get his suitcase from the shelf over his seat then stops with his arm halfway up. A slow grin spreads across Ed’s face that Roy knows all too well and he deliberately looks away. “Unlessssss, you’re just trying to get me half naked, aren’t you, you kinky bastard.”

“I can assure you that was the furthest thing from my mind.” And it was, until Ed had to mention it. Roy hears him yank down the suitcase and he keeps his eyes locked on the window. The rolling hills are turning to farmland with smudges of dirt roads wedged between them and he focuses on the crops blurring into each other until his empty stomach rolls and makes him even queasier. The medics didn’t have many pain killers to spare but whatever they did give him is making this ride even worse than usual. He closes his eyes until he senses Ed sitting down next to him. He feels his hand lightly touch his arm and Roy tries to pull away but ends up forcing back a grimace instead as pain shoots through his shoulder.

“Roy, hey, relax.” Ed pulls his hand back but Roy still doesn’t look at him. He attempts to focus on the scenery again but the nausea comes back almost instantly and forces him to look away. He stares across at the now empty bench, charting the lines of the padded seat, and tries not to think about how Ed looked sprawled across it. “Is it your shoulder?” There’s hesitance and obvious concern in his voice that Roy does his best to ignore.

“Among other things.” He considered lying, but Ed knows him too well. He’d see through it. Roy glances over at the door. When is Havoc bringing that food? It would be a welcome distraction and it might even help settle his stomach. He sucks in a breath and blows it out slow and even. “I’ll be fine, Fullmetal. One other thing, you should probably go back to calling me ‘Colonel’. You never know who could be listening in.”

It’s a ridiculous excuse. No one can see them now and even if they could it’s obvious whoever was in charge of the homunculi already knows about their previous romantic entanglement. But that’s not the issue. The point is they need to get back to a professional relationship. Something’s wrong with Ed and clouding things with emotion isn’t going to help matters. Besides they shouldn’t be together anyway regardless of how good—

_“Fuck!”_

Flashing pain shoots through his shoulder, so strong and sudden it makes his vision briefly blackout as Ed jabs him in the ribs. Ed doesn’t directly hit his arm, small mercy, but the jolt is enough to send agony screaming through his raw nerves. He’s panting and choking on bile in the next moment. Sweat breaks out across his brow and he whips his head around to glare at the source of his discomfort. Just for fucking once couldn’t Ed go along with what he said?! “What is your problem, Fullmetal? Assaulting a superior officer—”

“Don’t give me that shit, Roy.”

“I told you not to call me—”

“Don’t make me do it again.”

Roy glares, but from the pissed off, resolute look on Ed’s face he knows he won’t be getting anywhere with him right now. He’s already doubled over in pain, good arm pressed protectively against his stomach, body turned slightly to shield his injured arm, but at the hard look in Ed’s eyes he has no doubt he’d follow through with his threat. If only he could use his right hand and his alkahestry, he’d wipe that cocky look right off his face. But he can’t and he wouldn’t do it anyway so he nods very slightly, grimacing against the pain and waits to see what else Ed has to say.

“I think we moved past the ‘superior officer’ shit the first time you fucked me.” Roy winces but this time it has nothing to do with physical pain. The harshness in Ed’s words is enough to make the fire in his veins a distant second place. What they had was more than what he’s saying, they both know it, but when you boil it down he has a point. Roy nods again and slowly attempts to straighten up, shifting gingerly to lean back against the seat. Havoc could be back any time and he doesn’t want to explain this situation.

“Fair enough,” Roy grits out through clenched teeth. He expects to see a little sympathy from Ed, but when all he gets is the same hard stare he sucks in a breath and forces back the pain as much as he can. He doesn’t need this. Ed needs to learn a thing or two about timing. He straightens his shoulders some and tries to make his voice even and professional. “I suppose it doesn’t matter so much what you call me considering it’s usually been ‘bastard’ anyway.” Ed continues to glare at him as he fights to sit up straight and his irritation returns full force. “Would it kill you to show a little compassion?”

“Why should I? It’s all your fault anyway.”

Ed crosses his arms and leans back against the corner of the bench with a casual ease Roy’s certain is done deliberately to piss him off. He narrows his eyes at Ed and forces himself to sit up straight once again. He digs his nails into the fabric of his pants and tries to ignore how just breathing hurts. Pain radiates from his shoulder and side where Ed jabbed him but he grits his teeth against it. He’s not showing anymore weakness if he can help it.

“What are you talking about, Fullmetal? In what way is _any_ of this my fault?”

Roy matches Ed’s glare with one of his own and he wonders what happened to the Ed from last night, or even this morning. Endless reserves of attitude were Ed’s specialty but if he’d let him have his way, Ed would’ve ended up sleeping with his head in his lap under the guise of “protecting him,” the same way he did last night. But now he’s looking at him with the same amount of anger and hatred as the first time he ever pulled rank on him.

Ed snorts and raises an eyebrow as if his question isn’t worth answering. “I’m talking about how you brought this all on yourself, _Roy_.” His lips curl up in a derisive smirk. “You’re hurting as bad as you are right now because you lost control. Admit it.”

“I’ll admit nothing!” Roy fists his left hand then almost immediately relaxes it. He brushes his gloved thumb over his fingers without any thought in a move that’s many times preceded the formation of huge piles of ash. Ed’s gone crazy. That’s the only explanation. There’s no other reason they’d be playing this fucked up game of one-upmanship now. They’re always challenging each other, always looking for the concession to win out of the other, but this is different. The knife must’ve been poisoned and now Ed’s lost his mind. How his being shot is even remotely his fault is ludicrous. “Have you forgotten the only reason you’re still _alive_ is because of me?”

“True.” Ed continues to wear the same maddening smirk on his lips and it only serves to fuel Roy’s anger. He’s doing it on purpose, a fact Roy grows even surer of when Ed deliberately tilts his head and arches an eyebrow. “But once you used the alkahestry to make Envy let me go and I crawled away there was no need to use it anymore. You were just playing with him because of General Hughes.”

“I was _not_ ‘playing’ with hi—”

“You damn well were!” Ed leans forward until he’s right in Roy’s face. “Heh, if it weren’t for _me_ telling you to stop you’d be as cooked as he was.” Ed smirks again and pulls back a fraction. “Come to think of it, guess that means _I_ saved _you_. Doesn’t it?”

“You little—”

“Don’t you call me little, you pompous deluded bastard!”

“Who are you calling deluded? I’m not the one who ran off halfcocked and straight into a trap without a damn back up plan.” Roy turns and reaches across his body with his left hand to fist in Ed’s customary black shirt. He yanks him closer and grits his teeth against the pain that’s directly related to the alkahestry backlash. But it still doesn’t make Ed right. “I knew what I was doing!”

“When you fixed Havoc, maybe. But yesterday you were OUT OF CONTROL, Roy!” Ed’s eyes are blazing as he wraps his automail hand around Roy’s wrist, but doesn’t pull his hand away. “You were having fun and _toying_ with him just because you cou—”

“There was NOTHING fun about that!”

“Bullshit! You could’ve turned the flame on him as soon as I was in the clear but you didn’t.” Ed’s hand tightens around Roy’s wrist at the same time Roy curls his fingers in his gloves. Ed shoves him back and Roy can’t hide his grimace of pain. “And now, you’re paying the price for being an idiot.”

“An ‘idiot’ that saved your rotten life.”

“You’re _still_ an idiot!”

“Better an idiot than a reckless _LITTLE_ fool!”

_”I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME ‘LITTLE,’ YOU BASTARD!”_

“Umm, sirs?”

Roy’s so caught up in his argument with Ed he almost doesn’t hear the other voice. The way Ed’s still carrying on about something the size of a grain of sand it’s obvious he hasn’t noticed either. Roy’s still breathing heavy with anger as he turns his head and it’s a struggle to regain control. Sometimes he still can’t believe how easily Ed can get under his skin. That’s obviously one thing that’s never changed despite everything else.

Havoc steps into the compartment with a covered tray of what’s most likely their lunch. There’s a wary look on his face as he slides the door shut and it seems his actions have finally caught Ed’s attention because he stops mid-sentence to turn and look at the Lieutenant. Havoc surveys them both then shakes his head as he sits on the opposite bench, tray of food placed beside him.

“I…didn’t hear you come in,” Ed mumbles as he turns his gaze to the floor.

“I think that much was obvious, Edward.” Ed’s head whips around to glare at him, but just as quickly turns away to stare at the covered tray. As usual the smell of food is enough to quell Ed’s anger, at least temporarily. However, he has no doubt they’ll be picking up where they left off after Ed devours lunch. Roy looks to Havoc and sighs softly. “I take it that would be our lunch, Lieutenant?”

“You got it, Chief.” Havoc slides closer to the window and pulls an unlit cigarette from behind his ear. Ed frowns as Havoc cracks the window but doesn’t say anything as he lights up. Ed looks like he’s ready to tear into the food but surprisingly he holds himself in check and waits for an indication from Havoc, but none comes. Has he missed something here? Ed’s never been one for decorum. Havoc takes a deep drag off his cigarette and levels his eyes on both of them. “You do realize these compartments aren’t completely sound proof.”

“He started….” Ed’s words trail off at the knowing look Havoc shoots him and Roy doesn’t try to hide the smug look on his face. He should be the better man but when it comes to Ed, he finds most of his better instincts get thrown out the window. He’s due this one moment. That is, until Havoc turns the same look on him. 

“Ed was right about one thing, Chief.” He takes another drag of his cigarette and carefully meets Roy’s eyes. “You were scary as all hell with that,” he gestures with his free hand, “whatever it was you were doing.” Havoc shakes his head as he flicks ash from his cigarette out the window. “I, for one, am glad he stopped you because that….” He slowly brings his eyes to meet Roy’s again and there’s no questioning the trace of fear in them, something he’s never seen from Havoc. “It wasn’t like the fire. It wasn’t right.”

Roy holds his gaze for a long moment then nods once. “Duly noted, Lieutenant. I appreciate your candor.” He didn’t want to admit it, even to himself, but he did lose himself to his rage. For so long he’d been looking for Hughes’ killer and to have the power to make him pay…it was intoxicating. But worse than that, it was easy, and that’s something he’ll need to think long and hard about before he even considers trying the alkahestry again.

“Told you so.”

“Ed’s petulant words snap him out of his brooding in an instant but before he can manage a word Havoc beats him to it.

“You weren’t exactly all aces either, Boss.” Ed’s head snaps around in surprise and Roy’s smirk slowly returns. “The Colonel was right. You were running around like a li—, like a hot head.” Havoc takes a last drag off his cigarette then crushes it out on the window sill. “And I, for one, don’t want to be the one sent chasing after you.” He arches an eyebrow at Ed who actually nods in agreement before averting his gaze to the floor once more.

Havoc pushes out of his seat then nods toward the covered tray. “Should be plenty enough for the both of you.” From his tone of voice Roy’s pretty sure there’s enough for the three of them, but Havoc’s already edging toward the door. Roy looks up to catch his eye and he can tell he’s right. His Lieutenant knows them both too well. He and Ed could use some time to talk. “I’ll grab a bite for myself and be outside if you need me.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant.” Roy gives him a pointed look Havoc acknowledges before slipping out the door. Ed’s eyes are still fixed on the floor and Roy shakes his head. They were both put in their place, and rightly so. There’s no reason for Ed to be dwelling on it. Roy nudges him slightly with his knee. “The food smells good. Surely you’re hungry.” Ed shrugs and Roy keeps a tight rein on his temper. Now that he doesn’t have adrenaline rushing through his system he’s getting nauseous again and he’d really like to eat. “What’s wrong now?”

Ed flinches at his unintended harsh tone and shakes his head. “Sorry,” he mumbles softly then reaches forward to uncover the tray. As Roy expected there’s more than enough food. He’ll need to make sure and do something to repay Havoc for this later. He’d more than likely intended to have his lunch with them in the comfort of the compartment. Ed lifts a plate of sandwiches his direction without looking and Roy uses his teeth to pull the ignition glove off his left hand. He dips his head forward to drop the glove in his lap then reaches for a sandwich. The bread seems to scrape across his skin with undue roughness but it’s tempered by the crunch and refreshing taste. He gets halfway through it before he realizes Ed’s not eating and that is definitely not like him.

“Fullmetal, what’s wrong?” He frowns when Ed doesn’t immediately answer him. Could whatever happened to him be affecting his appetite? He’s sleeping a lot, and now he’s not eating. Central is a few days by train. Do they even have the time to make it back? Fear creeps through him like a cold chill and he nudges Ed with his knee again. “Edward, talk to me. Can you not eat?” Is it affecting your appetite now?”

“Huh?” Ed lifts his head to look at him, obviously distracted. He stares at Roy for a moment then shakes his head. “No, no, I mean, I don’t think so.” He shakes his head again then reaches for a sandwich from the plate he offered Roy, but he doesn’t take a bite. Instead he holds it in his hands and stares at it as if it held some kind of answer. He takes a bite that’s obviously forced and mumbles around it. “Was just thinking. I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

Ed shifts around in his seat and when he takes another bite Roy’s certain he’s not going to answer him. Familiar irritation wells up inside of him but he forces it down as he finishes the rest of his sandwich. There’s no point in getting into another fight. It won’t help anything and they are going to be trapped in here for the rest of the day. Ed offers him another plate without a word and Roy picks out a few pieces of fruit. They continue to eat in silence and Roy tries to give him the space he needs to work out whatever’s bothering him. But when the meal is done and Ed still hasn’t said anything he can’t hold his tongue anymore.

“Edward, please. If it’s about the ‘Colonel’ thing….”

“It’s not.” Ed’s words are clipped, but not angry. If anything he seems distracted as he runs his hand over his face and sighs. “I mean, it’s part of it, but….” He looks down again and fidgets with the bottom of the glove on his right hand. Then he tilts his head back suddenly to look up at the roof of the compartment as he blows out a breath. “I’m not used to looking out for others, ok? With Al…I just have to look out for myself.”

“I realize that, Edward.”

“Maybe you do but….” Ed turns away and stares hard at the sliding door leading to the corridor. “He thinks I didn’t care, doesn’t he? That I was trying to get him killed.”

Roy blinks in surprise. This is about _Havoc?_ He’s confused because he hadn’t been sure what direction Ed’s thoughts had been going and this is unexpected. But then he remembers Havoc telling him about how Ed would always visit anytime he was in town while Havoc was still injured. Hawkeye mentioned it as well. There’s also the fact Ed went running blindly to Lior when he thought Havoc was at risk. There’s no question about it, Ed and the Lieutenant are better friends than he realized and maybe that has something to do with why Ed was so against his trying to heal him. Maybe it wasn’t all about him. Maybe it was about his fear that Roy might make things worse. He shakes his head and looks at Ed with a little more understanding than before.

“Edward,” he says deliberately and as expected Ed slowly turns his head to look at him. Roy softens his eyes and takes the professional tone out of his voice. Maybe he shouldn’t be talking to him this way considering their history, but right now he doesn’t care. Ed’s hurting and he wants to help. They’ve both done plenty of hurting. Just for a little while he wants it to stop. “I’ve known Havoc, I’ve known Jean a long time and I can pretty much guarantee you he doesn’t think that.” Ed gives him a look full of doubt and Roy returns it with a soft smile.

“If there’s one thing anyone who knows you understands, it’s that you care about those around you. You made a mistake and he was right to call you on it.” Roy pauses then adds, “He was right to call us _both_ on our mistakes. But that’s all it was. A mistake. We all know you didn’t attend the academy, and that there will be times you don’t make the right decision. But as long as you learn from your mistake, that’s all anyone can ask.”

Ed leans toward him and gives him a long, unwavering look. It’s one he recognizes well. He’s trying to see if he’s lying. They’ve had this face off many times before and Roy knows he can veil his expression in a way he wouldn’t be able to read if he was lying or not. But he doesn’t do that now. It’s the last thing he wants. Instead he meets his eyes without any of the masks he usually wears. It’s a look he hasn’t given him since Ed walked away all those months ago and he’d honestly thought he’d never be able to look at him this way again. It’s intimate, in a way, because there’s hardly a time Roy isn’t putting on one charade or another. Very rarely does he open up with the complete truth, but for a little while he did with Ed, and right now he realizes just how much he missed that. 

“Alright, Ed says softly as he pulls back. He glances down at his hands in his lap and a hint of a smile curls his lips. “You’re calling me ‘Edward’ again.”

Roy huffs in annoyance and attempts to school his face to a more closed off expression. Leave it to Ed to seize on the one vulnerability he’d exposed. He knew he shouldn’t have let his guard down so much. “We talked about this.”

“Actually, no we didn’t.” Ed lifts his head again and this time the lost look in his eyes is gone. Instead it’s replaced with the hard glint of determination Roy’s always seen in him, even from that first day back in Resembool. Unfortunately now all that steel hardened determination is fixed directly on him. 

“Well, we shouldn’t have to. I am your superior officer and—”

“We’ve had that discussion a long time ago, Roy, and you and I both decided that that didn’t mean shit.”

“I don’t know that it was much of a decision,” Roy mutters and looks out the window. Yes, they went over this when their relationship first crossed over into somewhere it shouldn’t have. But they never really dealt with it. Maybe if they had…. Roy sighs inwardly. No, they were both too caught up in each other and how fast things slid into something more to really look at anything objectively. Now here they are again and Ed still doesn’t trust him. Why is he even pushing this now? “Nothing’s changed, Edward.”

“Everything’s changed!”

Roy doesn’t look but from how Ed’s shifting on the bench and the way his voice pitches higher he knows he’s getting upset. But it can’t be helped. Something is seriously wrong with Ed right now and the last thing they need to do is cloud things between them by starting up again.

“Mustang, why won’t you listen to me? Everything’s changed. You’re right, ok? I was an idiot. But I get it now. Dammit, you bastard, why won’t you listen to me?”

Roy closes his eyes and leans his forehead against the cool window. Maybe if he doesn’t answer, maybe if he blocks him out Ed will finally get a clue. He can hope right? He swallows hard as Ed rants because he wants more than anything for his words to be true. But he can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust him. It’s not all about control like Ed thought. It’s about the fact that on a basic level Ed has to question everything and Roy knows there will be times he won’t be able to spell everything out. It’s the same reason he didn’t tell him he was going to try and heal Havoc. He hadn’t needed his theories and research picked apart and every point argued into the ground. It wasn’t about being deceitful either; it was because he knew Ed wouldn’t trust him. He can’t go through that again. He can’t see that look of betrayal in Ed’s eyes again.

_”I knew what I was doing!”_

_“When you fixed Havoc, maybe.”_

Roy blinks his eyes open as he remembers the argument from earlier. He has to be remembering wrong. Ed has _never_ conceded even the slightest possibility he could’ve been wrong. It’s why Roy never went after him when he walked away. If he couldn’t even see the possibility they were both at fault, how could they ever fix things? Was he just saying it to appease him? No, Ed was pissed. Ed was _extremely_ pissed and one thing Roy knows for sure is when he’s angry he isn’t thinking clear enough to lie.

He pulls back from the window and turns so he can see Ed again. He’s finally stopped ranting and his face is flushed, almost as if he’s been running. Is Ed really that upset about this? He seemed so resolute when he said he was done, that there was no going back from betrayal. But now, here he is, all but begging for Roy to let him back in. Could it all be because of the war trauma in Lior? The fact that they both could’ve died? Does it matter?

“You said I knew what I was doing when I healed Havoc.”

Ed starts in obvious confusion then shrugs nonchalantly as he answers. “Yeah? So?”

That’s definitely not the words or response of someone trying to manipulate. If he were lying before then he wouldn’t be surprised Roy’s asking him about it now. But then when has he ever known Ed to lie? He carefully turns more toward Ed, keeping the sling close to his body so he doesn’t jostle his arm. “So, you never admitted that before.”

Ed sighs audibly and runs his hand over his face. “Dammit, Roy, have you listened to a damn thing I’ve said? I get it. I know I was wrong. Granted I’m still not happy you used that alkahestry trick to ‘disable’ me, but I get it. And I know you’re going to say it’s just because of everything that happened yesterday and it’s because I’m all emotional….”

“Well you’re obviously—” Roy cuts his words short at Ed’s glare and motions with his left hand for him to continue. He’ll hear him out. With everything they’ve been through he does owe him that much.

“It does have to do with what happened in Lior, but not for the reasons you think.” Ed reaches up to run his fingers through the hair over his forehead then lets it drop back down. “It wasn’t just that I didn’t trust you. It was that I couldn’t understand how anyone could trust anyone the way you were wanting me to.” He huffs and leans back into the corner of the bench, still facing Roy with one foot on the floor and the other tucked against him. “I haven’t had the luxury of trusting people in my life without being let down. When you demanded I just ‘trust’ you,” Ed shrugs and tilts his head. “Warning bells went off.”

“And how is that any different now?”

“I _saw_ how it was different, you moron!” Ed sits up and leans toward him, hands pressed against his legs. “I saw how you put everyone else first, when you weren’t half out of your mind. I saw how after searing your damn shoulder closed that the first thing you asked when Havoc woke you up was if he was ok. I saw how you were looking out for me even when I didn’t realize it and how I forced you to….”

Ed looks away and Roy can more than imagine why. He knows Ed wasn’t thinking when he ran off alone to find the knife that poisoned him. He had no idea bandits would show up with guns aimed at his head. And he couldn’t have known that it would mean their deaths either. In an ordinary situation, Roy could’ve used his flame with enough accuracy to burn or disarm them without killing them. It would have been easy. But with the growing alchemic backlash he was dealing with and the pain from his burned shoulder he couldn’t focus enough. He didn’t have enough control and he wasn’t going to risk one of them getting off a shot and killing Ed. It was kill or be killed and he did what he had to do.

Roy reaches across his body with his left arm and squeezes Ed’s hand. “That wasn’t your fault. Do you hear me? It wasn’t your fault. That’s on me. Not you.”

Ed raises his head and there’s no question he doesn’t fully believe him. Roy knows him too well to think he’ll let him take all the blame. But still Ed nods as he leans a little closer and lowers his voice. “Maybe. Maybe not. The point is I saw a different side of things, Roy. For the first time I actually _understood_ why you made an order and why your men follow you so blindly. You were trying to protect me.” He pauses and smiles wryly. “You’ve done that a lot, haven’t you?”

Roy returns his smile with a soft one of his own. “I guess you could say that.”

Ed nods and scoots closer so their legs are touching. “I can’t promise I’ll never question you again. You’re not always so damn perfect anyway.” Roy smiles and snorts softly as Ed continues. “But I do see where I fucked up, and….” His voice grows even softer and Roy has to lean forward to catch all his words. “I forgive you for what you did too.”

“You do?” The words slip from his lips before he even has a chance to think because that’s something he _never_ thought he’d hear from Ed. When he finally knew he could heal Havoc, even with a heavy toll on himself, he couldn’t let Ed stop him. He knew Ed could only see his own point of view and that nothing Roy did would change his mind. He also knew Ed would find a way to stop him. That’s why he used the alkahestry against him knowing there would be no coming back from it. But healing Havoc took precedence over his own happiness. He had to do it, even though he knew Ed would never forgive him for his betrayal. But now….

“Yeah, you bastard. I do.”

Ed leans forward and Roy’s so stunned from the words he doesn’t even think about pulling back. He feels Ed’s lips brush against his and for an instant he considers pushing him away, but just like last night he can’t. As insane as it is, as crazy as it’s been from the beginning, he’s never felt this right with anyone else. He leans forward without another thought and presses his lips against Ed’s. They’re soft and firm, just like he remembers, and before he knows it Ed’s tongue is tracing over his lower lip, so hot and wet and warm. Roy parts his lips and heat floods him as Ed instantly deepens the kiss.

Even if he never kissed him again he’d never forget the heady taste of Ed’s kiss. It’s a rush of sunshine, tempered with a hardness that’s wholly Ed and Ed alone. There’s always a tang that reminds him of metal and something else mercurial that he just can’t describe. More than once he’s imagined this is how it would be to kiss something as untamed as his own flame and he gives into it fully. Last night he kissed him back because he couldn’t do anything else. This time he kisses him back because he wants to, consequences and complications be damned.

“Well, it’s nice to see you two have worked things out.”

Ed pulls back sharply and Roy does the same though he ends up wincing from the quick movement. He looks up to see Havoc smirking in the doorway and he arches an eyebrow. “Did you need something, Lieutenant?”

“Yes, sir,” Havoc says with a glint in his eyes. “I wanted to let you know there happens to be a doc on the train in case the dressing on your shoulder needs to be changed. And…,” he looks to Ed before continuing. “I heard they should have some desserts ready if either of you might be interested.”

“Damn right we’re interested!”

Roy shakes his head at Ed’s exuberance. Apparently his appetite is alright after all. He runs his eyes over Ed as he interrogates Havoc over what sweets they may or may not have and smiles softly. This isn’t going to be easy with Ed complicating things, but when has anything concerning him ever been easy? It’s a good thing he’s always enjoyed a challenge.

  
[ ](http://plasticapollos.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d4t166s)   


As this was written for fmabigbang, we had the pleasure of working with the PlasticApollos who drew the above lovely picture inspired by a scene in this chapter.

To see the fullsize image and to leave PlasticApollos comments please go [here](http://plasticapollos.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d4t166s).

Thank you!


	2. Chapter 2

Sometimes Ed’s convinced Roy acts like a bastard just to piss him off. Other times he’s pretty sure it’s just a habit he doesn’t know how to quit. Today though, it’s definitely about pissing him off. He knew it as soon as he came back from getting his desserts on the train to find Havoc and Roy in deep discussion about Jean’s hometown festivals. Ed’s pretty certain Roy didn’t actually care about competitive sheep shearing or who threw the pumpkin farthest last year. But the boring conversation did accomplish one thing Roy seemed set on.

Ed couldn’t get near him again for the rest of the train ride.

Once they reached the hotel things didn’t get much better when Ed demanded a double room for Roy so one of them could stay with him and play lookout. He’s still convinced Roy was about to suggest Havoc be the one. But one look from Ed and he smartly changed his mind. It’s a good thing too because Ed was more than ready to cause a scene. Roy needs to get over this crap. They both know this is right and there’s no point fighting it anymore, especially since even fate is on their side. He smiles as he remembers the look on Roy’s face when the man behind the desk told him the only double room available was furnished with a double bed instead of singles.

Ed stretches out and rubs his cheek against the firm, softness underneath him. The instant he saw the bed he had to try it out. It’s rare for the hotels he stays in to have a bed this nice, but Roy’s salary and rank don’t hurt when it comes to accommodations. He stretches out a bit more, sprawling out over the clean smelling comforter as he rolls over onto his back. He cracks his eyes open and then stills. 

Something isn’t right. Why is it so dark?

Ed looks over at the window. The curtains are only partly drawn and he can see the night sky and the twinkle of stars in the distance. It was only getting close to sunset when they got the room and now it’s full on night. The hush of silence in the hotel underscores how late it must be. Did he seriously fall asleep again? Maybe Roy was right, maybe whatever Envy did to him is affecting more than just his alchemy. He whips his head around looking for Roy. How could he have fallen asleep again? What if something else happened?

His eyes adjust more to the darkness and he realizes there’s a soft light coming from the corner of the room. He sits up and only then notices his torn red coat was draped over him as it falls away. Ed turns his head toward the light and he sees him, sitting at a small table with the knife unwrapped on another scrap of his coat and the books they found spread out in front of him. The only light comes from a small lamp that barely sheds enough illumination for Ed to make out the frown on Roy’s face. He’s bent over, squinting at the text and Ed shakes his head.

“You’re going to go blind trying to read in the dark.”

Roy lifts his head and Ed thinks there’s a slight smile on his lips. “That’s an old wives’ tale. I’d think you’d be a little more scientific, Fullmetal.” He looks toward Ed for another moment then lowers his head over the book again, tugging it slightly sideways to angle it better toward the light. He rolls his head from side to side briefly before he settles again.

Ed smirks. He should be annoyed that Roy’s still addressing him by his title, but he’s not. The reason why is all in his tone. That smooth baritone of his can be mocking or harsh, but it’s neither right now. Instead it’s the playful teasing timber that reminds him of afternoons locked away in Roy’s studying, pouring over his private collection of books. He actually enjoyed that time long before the physical was even a thought. Ed slides off the bed and turns on the overhead light before making his way over to the table, bare feet scuffing lightly against the floor. 

Roy looks up when he reaches him and blinks at the addition of light. Ed feels his gaze travel over him and easily reads the concern in his eyes. He’s worried about how long Ed’s been sleeping and he’s not the only one. But they can’t worry about that yet, not until they have a clue what they’re dealing with. Ed shoots a wary glance to the bloodstained blade but then drags his focus to the open books spread over the table. He doesn’t recognize the writing, but maybe Roy does. “Any luck?”

“Not much.” Roy rubs his eyes the way Ed’s seen him do when he’s getting a headache then he shoves the book forward on the table. “Most of it’s written in a language I don’t recognize. Some looks like it could be Xingese, but the rest looks similar…but different.” He shakes his head and runs his fingers through his dark hair. “Maybe it’s from some place further East, or maybe it’s just old. I don’t know.”

“Does it matter?” Ed pulls out the other chair at the table and drops down into it. He braces his automail foot against the table leg and wonders idly where his socks went. He frowns at the books then glances at the knife again before turning to Roy. “There’s nothing to say these books are even related to what happened to me. Shouldn’t we focus on the knife instead?” He motions with his hand toward the books. “For all we know these are all just some ancient holy books or something. Completely useless.”

Roy drops his hand back to rest on the table and gives him a look that’s far too condescending for his liking. “I’ve looked through them enough to tell they’re a little more useful than that.” He sighs as he reaches for the book he was studying again and squints at it. “As for the knife, I’m not sure what you expect me to do with it here. I don’t exactly have a portable lab at my disposal.”

Ed scowls and crosses his arms as he rocks back in his chair. Roy doesn’t have to be such an ass about it. Either way, his point is valid. There’s nothing tying the books to his messed up alchemy. For all they know they were for some other plans the homunculi had. Ed leans forward to drop his chair back on the floor with a heavy thud and reaches for the knife. Maybe he can figure it out on his own since Roy’s too wrapped up in the damn books to help. A closer look at blade or the hilt could tell them something. 

“Don’t touch that!”

Ed snatches his hand away without even thinking then narrows his eyes at Roy. “What’s your problem? I just want to look at it. It’s not like I haven’t touched it before.”

“Not since you wrapped it up you haven’t.” Roy reaches forward and carefully grabs the knife by the hilt and pulls it out of Ed’s reach. Ed’s about to grab for it anyway when Roy’s dark look stops him with his arm half stretched out over the table. “Enough, Fullmetal. For all we know the poison is still on it and active. All we need now is for you to get even worse. Leave it alone.” He slaps lightly at Ed’s outstretched hand, and that’s one step too far.

“I’m _not_ a child, Roy. And stop calling me Fullmetal!” He slams his right hand down on the table hard enough to make it creak. He can’t have it both ways. He’s the State Alchemist _Roy_ recruited and he’s not going to be treated as less, not after everything. “It’s not going to hurt my automail and besides, it’s already fucked up my alchemy. What more can it do?”

“Kill you.” Roy’s words are hard and cold and his eyes are as black as Ed’s ever seen them. Seriousness is etched in the lines of his face and the stiffness of his back. He’s pissed, but Ed knows him well enough to see more. He’s worried about him but that doesn’t mean he needs to treat him any different. Unless…Roy knows something he doesn’t.

“And you are acting like a child.”

Ed’s eyes widen at the insult and he shoves hard at the table as he pushes to his feet. Roy cries out when the wooden edge of it knocks against his right arm that’s curled against his body and Ed freezes. Roy’s not wearing the sling and he forgot. Damn it, why does he have to piss him off this much?

“You bastard. Why aren’t you wearing your sling?” Ed moves around behind him but he doesn’t know what he can do. He rests his hand lightly on Roy’s left shoulder and jerks it back when he flinches.

“It was bothering my neck,” Roy says through gritted teeth. “Besides, I didn’t expect anyone to throw a table at me.”

“Then you shouldn’t have called me a child!” Ed growls under his breath. He hates feeling so useless. Roy’s relaxing a little bit but he can still see the tension in his shoulders as he curls around his arm. His left hand’s holding his right elbow and his breathing’s too controlled to be natural. Ed shakes his head when he sees the sling hanging from the back of Roy’s chair and he grabs it. “Besides, I didn’t throw the damn table. I shoved it. Now let me help you get this on so you’re not straining your shoulder.”

Roy attempts to bat at him with his left hand but it’s only a token gesture. Ed moves around him and very carefully moves the sling under his arm then slowly eases it up until it’s in position. Roy’s only wearing his white button now as Ed brings the strap up to loop behind his neck he notices how red and raw his skin is. No wonder he didn’t want to wear the thing. Ed shakes his head and drops the strap in Roy’s lap. “Hang on. Let me see if I can find something to pad that better.”

“It’s fine,” Roy grits out and Ed snorts at him as he looks around the room. He checks the bathroom for towels and washcloths, but unfortunately they aren’t near soft enough. It seems the expense for the linens in this room was spent more on the bed than the towels. Ed rummages through the rest of the room, coming up empty, and his eyes finally land on the remains of his coat on the bed. Well, he’ll have to make another one eventually anyway.

“It’s far from fine, Roy. Now stop being a stubborn bastard and let me help you.” Ed walks to the side of the bed and tears a strip from his coat. He’s had this one for a while and the well-worn fabric is far gentler than anything else in the room. It’s their best option for now. He tears a second strip of the soft, red fabric then makes his way back to Roy’s side. “You heard what the doc said. If you don’t let your shoulder heal without stressing it out, you’re going to lose movement in it.” Ed pulls the strap up to see where it will rest against Roy’s neck then starts wrapping the first scrap of cloth around it. “Then how would you make all those flamboyant gestures when you’re being all cocky with your flame?”

“I’m _not_ flamboyant,” he snaps but doesn’t otherwise protest his actions. Ed wraps the second piece from his coat around the strap to give it a little more cushion. It should stay in place if Roy doesn’t move around too much, though he’d feel better if he had a way to actually fasten it. He could make something that would easily do the job if his stupid alchemy wasn’t screwed up. Ed shakes his head and carefully brings the strap up behind Roy’s neck then down the other side to attach it to other end of the sling. Roy’s entire body relaxes a bit once it’s in place and Ed breathes a sigh of relief. At least he finally managed to do something useful.

“Thank you, Edward.”

Roy’s voice is soft and tired, but not weak. Ed smiles at that because he knows it’s one of the similarities between them and one of the reasons they fight so damn much. There’s no quit in Mustang. They’d both rather go down fighting for what they believe in than concede defeat. He’d have endured the sling rubbing his skin until it bled without complaint if it’s what he needed to do. But it’s not. Ed moves back around him and pushes the table away enough so he can kneel down in front of him on the soft carpet which is much nicer than the wood floors he usually has to deal with. “You don’t need to play the hero with me now, Roy. You’ve already done more than enough of that.” Ed reaches up and rests his left hand on Roy’s knee. “If I can do something to help, let me know.”

“I thought you said this was my fault.”

Ed rolls his eyes and it’s all he can do to keep from shoving him. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you need to keep doing penance like an idiot.”

“You mean like you do.”

Ed fists his hands at his sides and bows his head, fixing his eyes on the carpet. He grits his teeth as he tries to make out the individual fibers as a distraction though with the way the shadows fall it’s a lost cause. Roy’s being deliberately stubborn and he understands it all too well. How many times has he been in this very same mood when he was injured? He clenches his fists tighter because he knows if Roy weren’t so bad off right now he’d be the one grousing about his lack of alchemy. But they can’t both be acting like jackasses. Ed takes a breath and lets it out slow. He’s going to need to concede something to the bastard or he’s going to keep this up all night. He raises his head, keeps his voice in a level tone and even manages a slight smile.

“Valid point. Now stop arguing and relax. The stress isn’t good for healing.” Roy’s eyes only widen a mere fraction, but Ed doesn’t miss it. That’s right, you bastard. I am full of surprises. Roy nods once and Ed’s smile turns to a smirk as he reaches up to rest his hands on Roy’s knees. But his smugness only lasts as long as it takes to look up into Roy’s eyes. There’s a deep exhaustion there and he tries to remember if Roy slept on the train at all. He knows he didn’t get much rest in Lior and they do have another early train in the morning. He rubs Roy’s knees lightly and looks at him more intently. “When’s the last time you even slept?”

“I don’t know,” he says distractedly and runs his hand over his face. “I probably got some on the train.” Right, it doesn’t take a genius to see how train travel doesn’t agree with him. His voice is less than convincing and as he rubs his eyes Ed notices the dark circles under them. His every movement is weary and he looks much less put together than he’s ever seen, not that he blames him. They’ve both been through a lot. The only difference is this idiot is trying to ignore it all. “I’m fine, Edward. You don’t need to be concerned.”

“You’re not fine, Roy.” Ed sits back on his heels and looks him over again. “Actually, I’ve never seen you look so damn old.”

Roy tilts his head forward suddenly to look down at him. His eyes narrow briefly, but then all the fight leaves him and he relaxes back in the chair. He drops his head against the wooden chair back and closes his eyes. That can’t be comfortable. A soft sigh slips from Roy’s lips and when he speaks it’s like every word is a chore to get out. “I apologize if my age is an issue for you now, Edward. To be honest, all I want right now is a hot bath and my own bed. Considering neither is going to happen tonight—”

“Why not?”

Roy cracks his eyes open, but doesn’t bother to lift his head to look down at him. “Well, considering we’re still a few days from Central….”

“I’m not talking about your bed, you bastard.” Ed shakes his head and nudges one of Roy’s knees with his hand. Leave it to him to want the whole package when it’s makes more sense, and it’s easier, to settle for only part of it. “I’m talking about the bath. It would probably do you good to relax.” He did check over the bathroom when he was looking for something to pad his sling and the tub is decent sized. He won’t want to get his shoulder wet anyway so it would probably be better than the large, deep one he has at home.

“It’s too much trouble, Edward.” He closes his eyes again and relaxes back in the hard wooden chair. “I’ll just try and get some rest here. You can take the bed.”

“I don’t think so.” Ed moves to his feet and crosses his arms stubbornly. “You want a hot bath, that’s exactly what you’re going to get if I have to carry you in there myself.” Roy’s eyes crack open again and the look he gives him is distinctly wary and it brings a smile to Ed’s lips. At least he knows him well enough to know he’s not making an idle threat. “You finish up with whatever you’re doing here while I draw a bath. Then you’re going to relax in it, and then you’re going to get some sleep.” He shoots Roy a pointed look. “In the bed.”

Roy lets out a long, drawn out sigh but Ed doesn’t care. He can be as dramatic as he likes about it but Ed’s still going to look after him whether he wants it or not. Roy doesn’t say anything else in protest and that’s good enough for now.

Ed turns for the bathroom and after starting the water running he takes stock. There are a couple large, fairly fluffy towels and basic bathing necessities like soap and shampoo, though he doubts Roy will want to mess with them. This is all about relaxation right now and they probably should keep his shoulder relatively dry at least until they get back to Central.

Ed pauses as he remembers the doctor on the train redressing Roy’s shoulder wound. He’d been under the impression the burn was less severe than it was and Roy didn’t correct him. He wonders why. It couldn’t be about not trusting him so it had to be about something else. But now that he thinks about it there must’ve been more to what he did than just burning his skin. Considering what he did his skin should be charred and blackened, but it’s not. Instead it’s rough and pink like a scar or a less severe burn. He’ll have to remember to ask him about that sometime because he obviously must’ve done something else with his alchemy other than just searing, or did he?

Ed looks toward the door and frowns. Is it possible he stopped the bleeding by just burning the top layer of skin? He’d have to do that through the whole wound, but when he saw his shoulder it seemed the bullet hole was closed. Could he really be _that_ good? Roy’s always cultivated a reputation that barely scratched the surface of who he was. Has he also been taken in by it? Ed shakes his head and leans down to turn off the water, dipping his flesh fingers in to test the heat. It’s just hot enough and that along with the rising steam should get him what he wants. The bath should be full enough for the water to come halfway up Roy’s chest when he’s sitting. It’ll do.

He turns from the tub and walks back into the main room. Roy’s head’s still tilted back against the chair but Ed can tell from the strain in his features he’s not asleep. He crosses the small room and lightly touches his uninjured shoulder. “Come on. The water’s ready.”

Roy opens his eyes and nods wearily. Apparently he’s realized Ed won’t be taking no for an answer. Or maybe he’s just too tired to fight anymore and Ed likes that explanation far less. Roy uses the table to push himself up slowly and Ed moves to his side to support him if necessary, but it’s not. Stubborn bastard. Tired as he may look, Roy still manages to be completely in command of himself as he crosses the room, and Ed shakes his head. It’s not like he’d use it against him. Well, ok, maybe he would but not right now. Ed follows him into the bathroom and Roy’s head immediately whips around.

“I can do this, Ed—”

“No you can’t. Not without hurting yourself and that’s not what this is about.” Ed shakes his head and moves closer. His hands find the clasp of the sling he just fastened and carefully works it so as not to jostle his arm. “Don’t get all modest with me now, Roy. It’s not like I haven’t seen and touched it all before anyway.”

Roy looks away as he gingerly removes the sling and places it on the counter by the sink. For an instant Ed swears there’s a hint of pink in Roy’s cheeks and he smirks. He’s probably imagining it, but either way it’s a nice thought. He can pretend all he wants that he doesn’t still want this, but Ed knows the truth. He slides his hands up Roy’s chest and doesn’t miss his sudden intake of breath. He’s not playing fair but sometimes fair is really overrated. Ed slowly undoes the buttons of his shirt one by one and leans in a little closer than he needs to even though he probably shouldn’t.

“Edward….”

“Hush, I’m just trying to help you.” Roy shifts on his feet but doesn’t otherwise react as Ed slips his hands inside his shirt and slowly runs them up his skin. It’s all done under the guise of pushing his shirt off, but there’s nothing platonic about his touch. His thumbs glide over his nipples, hardened by the cool bathroom air, and Ed leans forward to breathe against his neck as he lightly pushes the shirt over his shoulders. Roy trembles slightly as his heated breath caresses his skin and Ed grins as he pulls back to carefully slide the shirt down Roy’s right arm so he doesn’t have to move it much. They never were much for the slow tease when they were together before but he’ll remedy that once they’ve dealt with things. He’s done more than just a little growing up and he wants Roy to see it.

The temperature in the room has increased dramatically, or maybe it’s just his own overheated body. He tosses Roy’s shirt on the counter with the sling then trails his fingertips along the edge of the bandage on his shoulder. The contrast of cool tape and soft gauze against warm skin makes his stomach twist. It shouldn’t be there. “I’ll change it when you’re done. No point in doing it right now.” Ed’s voice is huskier than usual, but he doesn’t care. He tilts his head to the right and leans forward again to nuzzle his face against the left side of Roy’s neck. “Unless you want me to take it off now.”

“That would…probably be better.” Ed grins at the deep, rich tone to Roy’s voice. He nods against his uninjured shoulder but doesn’t pull back yet. He wants to savor this a little longer. “No point in getting the bandage all wet.”

“No, none at all,” Ed replies as he brushes his lips along Roy’s collarbone. He makes his way over to his other side and kisses lightly all the way up to the bandage while his hands glide lightly over Roy’s body, relearning the feel.

“Edward, you need to—”

“I know, I’ll be careful.” He knows that’s not what Roy was going to say but he’s not going to listen to anything else right now. Roy can twist him up with his words but Ed can twist him up just as bad with his actions. He can feel Roy’s reaction to him, his quickening of breath, the way his eyes are nearly closed, the racing pulse under his skin. Ed already knows the truth and he’s not about to argue about it now. He pulls back just enough to get at the bandage and very carefully unwraps it, making sure to memorize exactly how it was done so he can replicate it later.

Roy hisses softly as the gauze brushes against his damaged skin and Ed’s finally able to get a better look at it. The whole wound is a deep pink, rough and beginning to blister in some spots, though if he were to guess without knowing what happened he’d assume it was a severe second degree burn. Like always, appearances are never what they seem with Roy. He’d originally thought Roy had somehow managed to do some alkahestry on himself but now he’s thinking otherwise. If someone else were wielding something hot enough to stop the bleeding, it would’ve charred his skin completely, but Roy’s not that crude. He can control the air itself and it seems cauterize a wound with a lot less damage. The burn isn’t minor by any means, but it will heal with just a bad scar.

And they both have plenty of those.

Ed kisses softly along Roy’s throat and slides his hands slowly down toward his hips. He curls his fingers in his waistband and drags his hands around to the front, his thumbs brushing light against Roy’s bare skin. He hears Roy’s breath catch and he smiles as he leans forward to kiss his chest. Ed knows they can’t get very far. It’s not the time for it, but that doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy a little bit of touching. They’re nothing but small liberties but they’re also the promise of more than he can put into words. His fingers easily work the fastening for his trousers, but as he lowers the zipper Roy’s left hand reaches out to stop him.

“I can do it, Edward.”

Roy’s hand tightens over his and Ed does his best to shake it off. “Maybe you can, maybe you can’t, but there’s no point to it.” He pushes at Roy’s hand again. He’s trying to be careful not to jostle him too much but he’s not letting go. Ed scowls at him. “Dammit, Roy, it’s not like I want you to fuck me right now.” Roy still doesn’t release his hand and Ed snarls. “Though if you don’t knock this shit off I might just pin you down and blow you on principle.”

Roy’s eyes widen and Ed smirks. Roy may not believe it but he’s done a little growing up since he last saw him. He’s not the same inexperienced fool he was. It’s not like he’s had much time or opportunity to extensively explore his sexuality since they’ve been apart. Finding the Philosopher’s Stone takes precedence over anything else. But there’s a lot of books to be found on the subject and there was that guy in Ladreno who found him attractive. It was weird being with someone else. He ended up thinking about this bastard the whole time, but he did get a little more practice at a few things that might just surprise him.

“I don’t really think knocking me on the floor would do much for my healing, do you?” It’s obvious Roy’s attempting to make his tone condescending and nonchalant but the huskiness in his voice belies his tone. He does release Ed’s hand though and that’s all he needs. 

“Then stop being an idiot and I won’t completely violate you. How’s that?” Roy huffs in response but makes no move to stop him when Ed’s hands go for his trousers again. He pushes them over his hips and once they fall to the floor he steps closer and slides his arms around him. He softens his tone as he murmurs against his ear and runs his hands over Roy’s ass. “I’ll do what you want and wait til we get back to Central, even though I think it’s stupid.” Roy takes a breath, probably to say something but Ed cuts him off with a kiss to his neck and his own words. “We both could’ve died. Can’t you give me just a minute?”

It’s a manipulative thing to say, and it plays right into some of Roy’s reasons why they shouldn’t do this, but it has exactly the effect he was hoping for. Roy relaxes in his arms and he slides his hands up his back as he rests his head on his left shoulder. Roy’s still holding his right arm between them, the way it was in the sling, and Ed doesn’t press too close to him. It’s more about being close and feeling the heat of his body than anything else. He’s dealt with loss his whole life and he needs this. He needs this moment to know with his eyes and his touch that Roy’s alright. He would like to take this further and he does consider going to his knees but he doesn’t. It’s more than Roy wants right now and he’ll respect it, even if he doesn’t like it. Roy’s left hand moves to rest on Ed’s hip and he sighs softly as he closes his eyes.

He doesn’t want to pull away but there’s no point letting the water get cold. He presses a soft kiss to Roy’s neck then reluctantly pulls back. He swears Roy’s hand lingers over his lip a little longer than it needs to but Ed doesn’t comment on it. Instead he hooks his thumbs in the waistband of Roy’s boxers and tugs them down in one smooth movement. It’s very tempting to make a move on him while he’s crouched down in front of him but he controls himself. If he starts something now, he knows he won’t be able to stop. He stands, keeping his eyes averted from the evidence their embrace had a little more than a platonic effect on Roy, and then helps him into the tub.

“Thank you, Edward,” Roy says as he sinks down into the hot water and closes his eyes. He leans back against the wall and the contented sigh he makes brings a smile to Ed’s lips. Ed slides his fingers through Roy’s hair once before pulling back. He didn’t even realize how much he’s missed simple touches like that.

“No problem. You relax and let me know when you’re ready to get out.” Roy makes a soft “mmmm” sound and Ed takes that as an agreement. His eyes linger over him for another moment then he heads back to the main room and back over to the table. He might as well try to accomplish something now that he has the time.

He sits down in the chair Roy was in and his eyes lock on the blade. His fingers itch to reach for it, to look and see if there’s anything he missed but Roy’s right. There’s not much he can do here, especially without alchemy, so he might as well leave it alone “just in case.” He huffs and shakes his head as he reaches for the book Roy was looking at. He’s certain Roy’s being paranoid but he did promise himself he’d try to listen to him more. Small steps and compromises right? He has to start somewhere. Now is as good a time as any. Ed rocks back in his chair, kicks his feet on the table and cracks open the book.

The first thing that’s immediately apparent is Roy was right, he can’t read any of it. He’s never seen much Xing writing, but with all these characters and symbols he does know it’s definitely not Amestrian. He scowls and turns page after page. Maybe that crazy Ling guy or the girl with the strange cat might have a better idea about this, but considering they’re not here and he doesn’t know how to find either one of them it won’t do much good. He doesn’t much like the idea of being indebted to either of them much either. Especially that asshole Ling. He flips through more pages and when all he finds is more of the same he reaches for another book.

Maybe when they get back if he can find enough Xing reference books he might have a chance at reading it. Though, Roy did say it looked older and different than most Xingese so he must be more familiar with it. Still, he did crack Marcoh’s code, how much harder can this be? Ed opens up another book and smiles when he finally spots something other than meaningless, intricate characters. He situates the book in his lap, as he leans back a little more, and his eyes run over the drawings that are similar to the arrays he’s used, but still with many fundamental differences. He’s never seen anything remotely like it and it reminds him of the long distance alchemy that little girl did. Could this be more of the same?

He’s instantly intrigued.

A circle seems to be used in a manner similar to alchemy to bind and control the reaction, but that’s where the superficial similarities end. The inside of the circle is filled with complicated designs and symbols he’s never seen in alchemy. It makes it all seem much more complicated, but the more he studies it the more he thinks he might be completely wrong. Could some of the design be aesthetic?   
He frowns and leans forward to give it a closer look. He’s never come across anything mentioning alchemy aesthetics as something other than based on individual alchemists’ preferences. Even Hohenheim’s library had no mention of this. Everything was about the practicality and what you could do with it than making it look pretty. Most of the actual symbols are intelligible, but there are a few that look similar to old alchemic references he saw a couple years ago. Could there be a connection?

Ed rocks the chair forward, back onto all four legs, and then puts the book on the table. He scoots forward to study a few of the symbols along the top that are encircled by an ornate oval design when his vision blurs. He pull back to rub at his eyes and frowns. He hasn’t been at the books that long. It’s way too soon for him to be seeing double. This usually only happens when he’s been up all night with his head buried in texts. It must be the exhaustion from all the travel. Yeah, that’s it. It’d also explain why he’s sleeping so damn much. Ed shakes his head as he leans over the book again. He’s pretty sure the notation at the top of the circle has something to do with groundin—

Ed sucks in a breath as a wave of nausea slams into him so hard he nearly falls out of his chair. His stomach churns and he takes a sharp breath in an effort to keep from getting sick. He runs his hand over his forehead and pants lightly. That almost felt like when he tried to use his alchemy, but that’s not possible. He wasn’t using alchemy. He wasn’t doing anything but reading and he was fine when he started. Is he getting worse? Ed glances at the open book and then quickly averts his eyes when his stomach lurches at the sight of the arrays. Is that what made him—

A loud splash followed by a thump comes from the bathroom and Ed stands up so fast he knocks the chair over. He rushes to the bathroom, sickness momentarily forgotten in favor of a stupid bastard that doesn’t know when to ask for help. One day he’s going to break him of that even if it kills him. Ed stops in the doorway and scowls when he sees Roy leaning against the back of the tub and wincing with his eyes closed.

“You idiot. You tried to get out on your own, didn’t you?” Ed scowls as Roy’s eyes crack open and they’re bloodshot. Has he slept at all since Lior?”

“My hand slipped,” he mutters softly and that alone has Ed tilting his head and giving him a closer look. He expected him to argue, or at least be fuming, but his voice is so soft it nearly sounds defeated.

That isn’t acceptable.

Ed quickly makes his way over to the side of the tub and frowns when Roy hangs his head, probably in exhaustion. He’d wanted the hot water and steam to relax him, not reduce him to this. He needs rest and Ed’s going to make sure he gets it. It’s the only way Roy will be able to keep being Roy. He squats down beside the tub and waits for Roy to look at him. It takes longer than he likes, but soon enough tired eyes meet his and from the look in them Roy’s expecting him to give him more crap. Well, time for him to see a little more of the “new” Edward. It’ll give him something different to think about at least. “Come on, let me help you up.”

Roy blinks in obvious surprise then lets out a breath and nods. Ed carefully pulls his good arm over his shoulder and helps him stand, his arm around Roy’s waist. The alchemic backlash has probably faded significantly but that doesn’t mean the aches and pains from everything else don’t still hurt. Once Roy gets his feet under him, he hardly leans on Ed at all but he does allow him to steady him as he steps out of the tub onto a soft, absorbent mat. Ed reaches for a towel to dry him off but Roy stops him with a hand on his wrist.

“It’s alright. I can do it.”

Ed snorts and shakes his head. “The hell you can.” Ed gives him a long look and when Roy doesn’t immediately concede he speaks with a softer voice. “Look, drop the modesty. You need my help and that’s all. I promise I won’t try anything in here.” Roy holds his gaze for a long moment then nods. Ed hides a grin over the fact he didn’t notice the “in here” part of his statement. He doesn’t know if he’ll try anything later or not, but at least he still has the option. 

Ed takes the towel and starts by drying Roy’s face and neck. Then he dries his chest being very careful of his shoulder. Roy’s still holding his arm close against his chest as if it were still in the sling and from his body language Ed’s pretty sure it’s taking a toll on his shoulder. He pauses once he reaches Roy’s stomach and puts the towel on the closed toilet seat. Roy frowns in question, but before he can ask Ed’s already picked up the sling and eased his arm into it. He’ll just need to try and bandage his shoulder with the sling on.

“Thank you, Edward,” Roy says softly and Ed nods as he picks up the towel and continues his task of drying him off.

Ed holds to his promise and keeps everything as platonic as he can manage where his bastard is concerned by making sure his touch doesn’t linger anywhere. He finishes with the towel then directs him to sit on the toilet lid. He can tell Roy’s about to protest, but then he seems to think better of it and sits. Ed puts the towel over Roy’s lap because he’s certain Roy wants as much dignity as he can right now then turns to the counter to sort through the medical supplies. He’s pretty sure he can wrap his shoulder the way it was. He just needs to make sure and not bind it too tight. He remembers the doctor on the train saying something about needing to let the wound breathe.

Ed opens a couple packages of sterile pads then picks up a roll of gauze. He works carefully but quickly, using the pads to cover the angry, pink flesh and the gauze to wrap over and under his shoulder, keeping it all in place. Roy looks away as he works and Ed can imagine why. It must hurt a lot. Roy hisses through his teeth as he finally tapes the end of the bandage in place. Ed takes a quick look to make sure it’s all secure then reaches out to lightly touch the back of his neck.

“It’s done.”

Roy turns his head to look up at him then gives a short nod. “Thank you.” He pauses for a moment then takes a slow breath, obviously trying to manage the pain he must be in from the bandaging. “Now if you don’t mind—”

“Actually, I do.” Roy’s eyes widen at his statement but Ed only shrugs at him. “Strop trying to avoid me. It’s not happening tonight. Now sit still and I’ll be right back.” Ed doesn’t wait to see if he has a response before turning and leaving the bathroom. Roy doesn’t have to do everything on his own. When is he going to learn that? He goes over to Roy’s bag on the table and rummages around until he finds some underwear and the one pair of pants he brought that aren’t for his uniform. They aren’t exactly sleep wear, but they’ll be more comfortable than his uniform. He takes them back to the bathroom then kneels down in front of Roy to help him step into the garments.

“Edward, I don’t need you to—”

“Do you really want to bend over and do this right now?” Roy doesn’t say anything and that’s enough of an answer for Ed. He maneuvers the clothes so he can step into the underwear and pants then tugs them up his legs as Roy stands. The towel drops away and Ed situates the clothing before fastening his pants and looking him in the eyes. “Now come to bed. You obviously need the rest. You look like shit.”

“I can sleep in the chair,” Roy mumbles then looks around. “Did you bring me a shirt?”

“No you’re not and no I didn’t.” Roy’s eyes lock on him again and Ed holds his gaze stubbornly. “You need real rest and you’re not going to get that sitting in a chair. And the room is warm enough to sleep like that.” He tilts his head at him then looks pointedly at his shoulder. “Do you really want me to take that sling off again? If you’re still paranoid you can sleep with your gloves on.”

Roy winces then sags in slightly in defeat. “That won’t be necessary.” Ed’s certain he’d like to say something else, but from the way he shuffles out of the bathroom with bleary eyes he’s certain he’s just too tired. Seems the hot bath was a good idea. He doubts Roy would be this malleable otherwise. 

Ed moves around him once they leave the bathroom and walks over to the bed. There’s only one extra pillow and he’s certain Roy will need all three of them. He moves around so they’ll prop him up comfortably then turns around to find Roy frowning at him.

“What about you?”

“I can use one of your damn uniforms for a pillow if I have to. Now get in bed.” Ed arches an eyebrow, waiting for the expected argument, but it doesn’t come. Instead Roy turns toward the bed and carefully climbs on. Ed moves around him to adjust the pillows again and Roy finally ends up propped against the pillows with his arm across his chest in the sling. It’s probably not the most comfortable way to sleep, but with the way Roy’s eyelids are drooping it probably won’t matter. He’s been in this situation before and the only cure for it is sleep and lots of it.

Ed pulls his own shirt off and as he goes to take off his pants he smirks to himself as he feels Roy’s eyes on him. He can play the denial game all he wants. They both know the truth. He turns out the lights then very carefully crawls onto the bed and under the covers. He shifts closer to Roy’s left side and smiles when he feels a hand run lightly over his hair once.

“I thought you were going to use one of my uniforms for a pillow?” He can feel the warmth of Roy’s hand behind his shoulder, close but not touching and he wishes Roy would stop with this stupidity. He’d never turn his touch away.

“Hmmm? Oh, yeah, guess I forgot.” Ed closes his eyes and pulls the covers up over both of them, then smiles as he speaks again. “Guess I’ll have to find something else to use.” He scoots a little closer and carefully rests his head on Roy’s left thigh. He drapes his arm over his legs and in moments he’s perfectly content and waiting for Roy to bitch about it. To his surprise, Roy doesn’t tense and instead runs his hand over his hair again then rests it at the base of Ed’s neck.

“I’m not a pillow, Edward.”

“Well, you do a fairly good impression of one, you bastard. Now stop bothering me and go to sleep.” Ed snuggles a little closer and smiles again as he rubs his cheek against the soft blankets covering Roy’s lap. It’s nice to be giving the orders and having them obeyed for once. He’s warm and comfortable and the pull of sleep is already tugging on him hard. He thinks he might hear Roy mutter something, but he’s already drifting off and can’t process the words. He just hopes that tonight his bastard finally gets the sleep he so desperately needs.


	3. Chapter 3

The library in New Optain isn’t as impressive as the one in Central. It doesn’t even hold a candle to the one out in East City. There are no enormous columns or ornate carvings marking the doorway and this morning Roy almost mistook the building for something else, though that probably had more to do with travel weariness than the building itself. No, this library doesn’t have endless rows of texts on every imaginable topic, but it does have more information on one subject than any other place in Amestris. It just so happens that for once he really is in the right place at the right time instead of having to carefully orchestrate it. 

Roy looks over the texts and notebooks spread out on the library table in front of him. Toxicology isn’t a popular field, but it is one born of necessity as toxins can be found even in plants grown in the wild. It probably would be a more intensely studied topic were it not for the country’s centuries long push for more and better alchemists to the detriment of all else. He runs his fingers down the side of one of the well-worn hand written journals he had to request from the classified and locked archives. He may not care for the source of these materials, but if it helps him find what’s wrong with Ed he’ll live with it.

He gathers up the journals and books with one hand and stacks them up. It’s not going to be easy carrying this all by himself, but he has no choice. The train will be leaving soon and he’s fairly certain Ed won’t be very pleased with him for—

“Seriously, Mustang? _This_ is where you decide to hide from me?”

Roy turns around to find Ed scowling at him with crossed arms. His hair is wet and pulled back at the nape of his neck. Apparently he didn’t take the time to braid it before coming to find him, not that he needed to do that. He’d have met him on the train as soon as he checked out these books. They need this research, and Ed needs to stop hovering. It’s not like they won’t be cooped up in the train all day together anyway. “I wasn’t hiding, Edward. Now if you wouldn’t mind helping m—” 

“Bullshit!” Ed scowls deeper and Roy forces himself to take a deep breath to maintain his own temper. “You were sneaking out of the room while I was in the shower on purpose.” Ed sneers and bares his teeth at him in irritation. “Like it wasn’t bad enough you had Havoc stay in the train car with us the _entire_ day yesterday. Then you had to invite him to sleep on the couch in our room and now _this?!_ ”

“It made sense for him to sleep on the couch. That way we only needed to pay for one roo—”

“You didn’t have to get the most expensive room in the place!”

“I didn’t.” Roy slams his left hand down on the stack of books and leans more toward Ed as his anger and frustration rise. Maybe he has been trying to limit their time alone, but that’s only because they need to stay focused until they find out what’s wrong with him. “It’s the room they offered. I _am_ a colonel, remember?” 

“And you just had to soak up all the attention the damn check in girl gave you, didn’t you? Would it kill you not to be such a damn flirt?” Ed rolls his eyes and does a very poor imitation of a girl’s voice. “Oh, poor Colonel Mustang. Your poor arm. Bat those bedroom eyes at me again and I’ll be your personal nurs—”

“That is NOT what happened, Fullmetal, and you know—”

“Excuse me.” Roy freezes when someone clears their throat and speaks from a few tables down. He closes his eyes, takes another slow breath, then turns to look at the woman sitting with several books open on the desk in front of her. She’s glaring at them both and probably only moments from having them thrown out. This is exactly what he didn’t want to happen. “Do you think you could take your…spat elsewhere?”

Ed’s head whips around, his damp ponytail thudding against his shoulder heavily. “We are not having a spat! Why don’t you mind your own—”

“That’s enough, Edward.” He speaks low and firm and thankfully Ed stops his new rant to glare at him. Ed huffs and Roy turns his attention and his smile on the woman who looks to be a few years his senior and is still giving them both a reproachful look. “You have my apologies, Madame. We’ll be out of your way momentarily. Please forgive me if we’ve caused you any inconvenience.” He hears Ed snort beside him, and the lady doesn’t seem completely enchanted with him but at least she nods and turns her attention back to her book.

“You just couldn’t help yourself, could you?” Ed’s glaring again and Roy sighs. They don’t have time for this or any more of Ed’s jealous fits. It’s childish and completely unnecessary. It’s not like he has any interest in those women and if he keeps this up, they really will miss their train. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” he tells him softly then motions to the books. “Would you mind….”

“Yes, I would.”

Roy blinks at him as Ed crosses his arms again and takes on a stubborn stance. Is he seriously going to make him carry all these books with one arm? “Edward….”

“What’s the matter anyway? You can’t take these all the way to Central. They won’t let yo—” Ed pauses then his face darkens again. “Let me guess, special privileges for special people right?”

“Something like that.” Roy shakes his head in exasperation. “Now would you please pick those up so we can make it to the train?”

“No.”

“No?” He stares at Ed and can hardly believe him. This is no time for a tantrum about rank and privileges. “Look, I know you’re angry about yesterday, but I’m just trying to get us back to Central—”

“I’ll carry your books if you’ll do something for me.”

Roy arches an eyebrow at him. He should’ve known Ed would want to bargain for something, but this is hardly the place for what he probably has in mind. “Edward….”

Ed tilts his head at the soft sound of his voice then shakes his head and takes a half step back. “That’s not what I’m talking about, you idiot.” One could hardly blame him after Ed’s many attempts to get him to give in and the jealous fits he keeps throwing. Ed looks down slightly, deliberately not meeting his eyes and Roy frowns. It’s not like Ed to be anything other than forthright and if this isn’t about them, then what is it about? Ed finally lifts his head to look at him then says quickly, “I wanted to see if you’d dry my hair for me.” He looks away quickly again and it’s in that moment Roy realizes he’s not trying to be insolent. He almost seems, embarrassed? “I normally use my alchemy and now….”

Roy starts in surprise at his soft words. Did he actually rely on his alchemy for something so mundane? Ed’s lived his whole life with alchemy informing some aspect of it and he’s never realized how different that truly makes him. Imagining him without it permanently isn’t something he’ll consider. He looks at his tied back, wet hair and he’s not sure what exact method Ed would use himself, but it’s something he can manage even if it’s not something he’d considered before. The alchemy is not all that different than how he seared his wound closed, but he doesn’t want to do it out here in the open. There’s no point in drawing even more attention to themselves. “Alright then. Get the books and follow me.”

“What’s wrong? You don’t want your fan club to watch?” Ed nods toward the woman from earlier who’s obviously watching them from over the top of the book she’s holding.

“No, I don’t.” Roy turns without another word and heads for the stacks. The shelves are more than high enough to give them a little privacy so he doesn’t feel like he’s putting on a show. Few people know what he’s fully capable of and he’d prefer to keep it that way. He walks between two tall shelves then uses his teeth to pull off the plain, white glove on his left hand. He grabs it then carefully reaches into the inside pocket of the long black coat he’s wearing draped over his shoulders. He exchanges the plain glove for his ignition glove and pulls it on his hand by curling and flexing his fingers.

He glances over to find Ed staring at him and he tilts his head. Surely he has to know he has practice putting on his gloves one handed. You never know what kind of situation you might find yourself in. Maybe it’s time Roy imparted some more formal academy training rather than let Ed continue running unprepared into things. Ed shrugs in response to his look then reaches back to untie his wet hair. Roy studies him again but this time with the determined and focused look of an alchemist.

All he needs to do is agitate the water molecules enough to make them evaporate. He doesn’t need a literal flame for that. It’s much the same as how he burned just enough of his skin to seal his wound without charring and blackening his flesh. Most people don’t realize his control is that fine. He’s honestly surprised Ed did. He’s usually not one to keep knowledge to himself. Roy lifts his hand, concentrates on the reaction then snaps his fingers in his customary way, just with a different effect. There’s a flash, a brief rush of heated, moist air and it’s done. Ed’s hair is dry. It might be a little frizzier than usual, but that’s most likely because Ed uses a different method and has more practice. 

“I knew you could do it.” Ed grins brightly and before Roy has a chance to react Ed leans forward and gives him a quick kiss on the lips. He pulls back immediately then turns for the front of the library carrying his books. “Now, c’mon, before we miss the train.”

Roy blinks at him, shakes his head and smiles to himself. Sometimes he thinks Ed will never stop surprising him, and he’s beginning to like the thought of that.

~*~*~*~

“So what are all these books, anyway?” Ed sifts through the pile as Havoc blows smoke out the cracked train car window. Ed pauses over one of the handwritten journals and frowns. “I’ve spent some time in the New Optain library and don’t remember seeing even a reference to these.” He lifts his head and shoots Roy a suspicious look. “Let me guess, these books aren’t for the general public’s enjoyment.”

Roy sighs because he hates to validate Ed’s suspicions, but he has no choice. He should’ve realized Ed wouldn’t take things at face value. He would have to have a near photographic memory when it comes to alchemy and libraries. There are probably few of the large libraries in Amestris he’s not familiar with. “Not exactly….”

“I knew it! I _knew_ there were things you people were hiding.” Havoc arches an eyebrow at Ed’s outburst, glances at the books then turns his full attention to the cigarette burning in his hand. Looks like he’ll be getting no help from that quarter as Ed’s eyes narrow at him. “So what else, huh? Have you been hiding research on the stone from me too? I should’ve known you were keeping things from me, you lousy, pompous bastard!”

“Are you finished?” Roy gives him a bored look which he knows will infuriate him but right now Ed deserves it. He’s acting like a child and he’ll treat him like one for as long as he does. The world isn’t as neatly categorized as Ed tries to make it. He, of all of them, should know better.

Ed fists his hands around the notebook and grits his teeth. He sucks in a breath through his nose which Roy is certain will be a prelude to more screaming, but to his surprise Ed lowers his voice as he talks through his clenched jaw. “Should I be?”

The bitter tone to Ed’s voice leaves no doubt he’s talking about more than just the research and all Roy can do is shake his head. Ed talks about trust and has the audacity to accuse him of this, though is he completely off the mark? Roy shakes his head again because deep inside he knows he’s wrong. Even if there were something else classified that Ed needed to know he’d find a way to share it with him. It’s not like he hasn’t directed him in the right direction many times before. 

“Do you really believe that, Edward?” Ed holds his gaze for a long moment then turns his head and scowls toward the compartment door. His silence is enough of an answer. He may have said it, but he has his doubts which in and of itself is an improvement for them. It’s taken a lot of time, but in the last year or so before they were all separated Ed had become an integral, if not unconventional, part of his unit. “I’m not hiding anything else from you. I told you about the core of the homunculi already.” Ed slowly turns his head back toward him and gives Roy a hard look. “There’s nothing else I know, classified or otherwise.”

Ed nods slowly and out of the corner of his eyes Roy thinks he spots Havoc smiling but when he glances over any hint of a smile is gone. It’s a good thing his most trusted subordinates are known for their discretion because Jeans has already witnessed more than he ever wanted anyone to see between him and Ed. As for what he thinks about it all, he’s not sure if he’s ready for the answer. Roy turns his eyes back toward Ed to find him studying the handwritten journals again.

“So, what is this stuff? Why did someone think it was so important to hide these away?”

Roy smiles when suddenly the offending parties are now referred to as “someone” else. Apparently he’s no longer lumped in with the evil military conspiracy, at least for the moment. Roy leans forward carefully to pick up one of the more general toxicology texts and sets it in his lap. He runs his hand over the front, his fingers tracing over a name that’s been as forbidden to mention over the years as Tucker has been of late. There’s no question he’ll have to file paperwork and answer some hard questions about why he not only asked to see this research, but took it with him as well. As if everything he does isn’t already suspect. But he’ll deal with those problems when the time comes.

“Have you ever heard of the Evergreen Alchemist?” When Ed shakes his head, Roy nods slightly. “I’m not surprised. Records of his research were covered up a little over twenty years ago.” Roy glances down at the journal he’d only ever heard rumors about before today and attempts to remember all the details. “Evan Matthews was a brilliant herbalist who lived in New Optain. It was said there wasn’t anything he couldn’t grow and apparently he’d starting using plants as medicines in ways no one had ever seen before.”

Ed puts the book in his hands on the seat beside him and leans forward slightly while Jean closes the window and leans against the corner of the seat. He looks like he’s trying to sleep but Roy has a feeling he’s listening every bit as intensely as Ed. Havoc really is a lot more subtle than he ever gave him credit for. He’ll need to remember that for the future.

“Anyway, from what I’ve heard he attempted to get funding for his research and medicine from the State, but since it wasn’t alchemically related he was denied.” Ed snorts and crosses his arms then leans back against the seat in apparent disapproval. Roy has to agree. There are many fields that have suffered due to the State’s obsession with alchemy, but it’s still no cause for what eventually transpired.

“So let me guess, he turned his research toward alchemy to try and get money?”

“In a sense.” Roy reaches up to adjust the strap of the sling against his neck that’s still padded with cloth from Ed’s coat. “Matthews spent nearly two decades growing and researching plants and he was well versed in how toxic some could be. He’d even found antidotes and treatments for some animal and even chemical poisons. Had he continued along that path there’s no doubt he could’ve done a lot of good.”

“But?” Ed tilts his head curiously and Roy hates the knowing look in his eyes. He’s seen far too many horrible things in his short life and even though it’s a story, he hates to add to it.

“But he turned the course of his research. He began using alchemy to modify poison with the promise that he could make many less toxic if not completely benign.” Roy takes a deep breath before continuing. “The State agreed and he was awarded his State Alchemist license. Initially he seemed to be doing well when he modified a rural snake’s venom to be used as a numbing agent without the paralyzing effect. But then people in New Optain began dying from mysterious illnesses.”

“He was poisoning his own people?” Ed’s eyes go wide and he shakes his head so hard some of his hair comes loose from its tie. “How? How could he do such a thing?”

“Well, I mentioned he was a master cultivator of plants. They say his gardens provided produce for much of the city—”

“That’s not what I _mean_ , Roy!” Ed’s eyes turn pleading and in that moment Roy realizes his mistake. “I don’t care about the method he used. I mean _how_ could he do that to his own people? His neighbors and friends? His _family?_ ”

Ed’s voice cracks and Roy instantly knows this is about a whole lot more than the Evergreen Alchemist. It’s about everything he’s lost and how incomprehensible Matthews’ actions are to him. Roy shakes his head slowly and keeps his voice even. “I don’t know, Ed. I really don’t know.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have gotten these.” Ed scowls at the book in his hands then throws it on the seat next to him with the other texts as if the book itself were toxic. “You should just burn these. We can’t use them. It’s no different than the stone.”

“What?” Roy blinks at his words and stares at Ed in stunned silence. Even after everything that’s happened, is Ed still that naïve? Roy narrows his eyes and speaks in a hard even tone. “I’ll do no such thing.” Ed’s head snaps up to return his look with a hard one of his own, but Roy doesn’t care. He needs to understand what a fool he’s being. “If there is something in these books that can help you I _will_ use it.”

“No! You can’t!” Ed fists his hands on his thighs and shakes his head adamantly. “People _died_ for this research! You said so yourself. You can’t use—”

“So you would rather have me invalidate their existence by ignoring what they died for?” There’s a good chance he won’t even need to use any of the “tainted” research. Many of the most informative toxicology books were written years before the illicit acts took place, but that’s not the point. Ed needs to stop living in this narrow minded bubble of his that will end up getting him killed. “I won’t do that and neither should you. If you have the chance to make something right, you have to take it without hesitation.”

“No matter the cost?” Ed spits out bitterly and crosses his arms. He leans back as if he’s trying to get as far away from Roy as he can and narrows his eyes. “You would say that. Sometimes I forget how much of a military dog you really are. All you care about is power and moving up the ranks.”

The words sting, more than they probably should. He doesn’t like Ed seeing him that way. Power is important, Ed’s right, but it’s not like he’s done everything he’s done just for personal advancement. It’s the only way he can make things right. Ed should know this even if he won’t do it himself. He knows both sides of this coin as well as he does. It’s the only way he can protect everyone. Roy sucks in a breath, his mind scrambling to find the words to make him understand, but before he can utter a sound Havoc clears his throat.

“I’m afraid you’re wrong about that one, Ed.”

Ed whips his head around to look at him as Jean calmly takes the cigarette from behind his ear and lights it. He cracks the window then takes a long, slow drag before continuing.

“You can think what you like about the military, Ed. Call us dogs or whatever.” Ed winces at his words, but Jean gives him no chance to comment. “But one thing you need to realize is nothing the Colonel does is just for personal gain.” Jean turns his head to look at him and Roy meets his gaze and gives him a small, grateful nod. Jean returns the gesture with a slight tilt of his head then focuses his attention on Ed again. “There’s a bigger picture and you might ought to start looking at it.”

A hush falls over the compartment with the exception of the crackling ember of Havoc’s cigarette and the rhythmic clack-clack of the train against the tracks. Ed keeps his head turned away, his body tense and drawn in on itself, and it makes Roy wonder what he’s thinking. Silence isn’t usually Ed’s strong suit, especially with complex problems. Normally he’d be talking it out, like hearing it lets him determine the flaws, even if it were only to himself. This silence is disconcerting and almost has him saying something until Ed turns back to face him again, though he keeps his eyes downcast.

“I guess I see what you’re saying, about what you and the Colonel are trying to do.” Ed frowns and stares down at his fisted hands. “But it’s still not right. People shouldn’t have to die that way.”

“You’re right, Edward.” Ed slowly lifts his head and his eyes are filled with questions and pain, not at all the way someone his age should look. He has to wonder how much of that is his own doing. “No one should die that way. That’s why when it was discovered what Matthews was doing he was stopped and all his research was put under lock and key.” Roy glances down at the relatively benign book cataloging countless toxins and natural poisons. “Not even the military would take the chance at someone using this for biological warfare. But that doesn’t make it completely useless.”

“But it does! The ends don’t justify the means!”

“Maybe. Maybe not.” Ed opens his mouth to refute him again and Roy raises his left hand to silence him for a moment. “Tell me this, Edward. Let’s say in your research, you finally found an ‘acceptable’ way to restore Alphonse’s body.” Ed’s eyes widen at his words but he doesn’t speak, just nods slowly. “Let’s say in the course of you making this breakthrough it caused your death by no fault of your own. Maybe it was the research itself, or maybe someone else interfered and used it to cause your demise, but at the end of it all the answer was there.” Roy locks his eyes with Ed’s intense gold ones and asks evenly. “Would you want Alphonse to use what you found to restore himself, or would you want him to discard it in honor of your memory?”

Ed blinks and pulls back, breaking their locked gaze. He turns his head and looks toward the door of the compartment. His hands clutch the edge of the seat and Roy notices his knuckles are white. When he finally does speak his voice is shaky and unsure. “It’s not the same thing.”

“Why not?” Ed keeps his gaze averted and Roy sighs softly at the downcast look on Ed’s face. It’s never easy facing these types of truths. It’s much easier to attempt to take the high road and stay out of these moral quagmires. But the world isn’t so black and white and sometimes you have to make the tough choice. No one, not even Ed, can live in a world painted over with false colors when the predominant one is grey. “I have no doubt that if you knew your death could help someone, even if it wasn’t your choice—”

“Stop.”

“Edward, I know you might not want to listen—”

“Stop.” Ed focuses his eyes on Roy again and there’s no missing the devastation in them. “You’re right, ok?” He runs his hand over his face and sighs. “I would want Al to restore himself, no matter what happened to me or why. I get it.” Ed glances over at the pile of books again and carefully picks up a different one from before. “It doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“No, it doesn’t.” And that’s perfectly fine. There are many things Roy’s done or had to order done he didn’t like, but sometimes there’s no other option. Ed opens the book he picked up and Roy takes the opportunity to finally look at the one he chose himself. It’s supposed to be filled with all the toxins Matthews cataloged and their effects on the body. He hasn’t heard of anything that would directly affect alchemy, but maybe that’s just a side effect of the toxin. Perhaps it’s not so much his alchemy that’s affected as his ability to concentrate and that’s what’s making him feel ill. There has to be something in this book that has those effects.

“Hey, what gives? This isn’t about poisons. It’s just Voet’s text on basic alchemy, and it’s in Xingese? Why would you get this?”

Roy puts his finger on the list he was reading to mark his place then looks over at Ed. His face is scrunched up staring at the foreign characters and it’s all Roy can do not to laugh. He glances at Havoc and finds him with a glazed look on his face. He grins slightly and remembers a conversation he overheard where Havoc complained about all the alchemy mumbo jumbo he was subjected to. “Because I thought by looking at that I might be able to start figuring out what those other books we found were about.”

“You’re still worried about those?” Ed shakes his head and flips to the back of the book which includes an appendix of basic arrays. Roy can hear him quietly reciting them to himself and he smiles. He remembers doing that himself when he was younger and it’s soothing in its way. After Ishval, however, he’d found alchemy had lost its peace for him, but he’s glad it hasn’t deserted Ed yet. 

Roy turns his attention back to his book and its list of toxins. Ed mentioned the blade didn’t seem wet when he was fighting with Envy so that probably means the poison was either dried or maybe even etched into the blade. They’ll be able to tell more when they get back but right now he needs to see what toxins can cause his symptoms and still be active in a solid state capable of being bound to a blade….

“Ed? Hey, Boss, are you ok?”

Havoc’s words pull him from his reading and he looks over to see Ed looking decidedly green. If he didn’t know better he’d think he was motion sick. He actually looks the way Roy felt the first two days on the train, but he’s never known Ed to get train sick. Roy frowns in concern as Ed shakes his head at Havoc.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. I think reading was just getting to me. Train’s rocking a lot today.” He closes the book and sets it back in the pile then looks over at Roy. “Would you mind if I sat over there with you?”

His words take him off guard and for a moment he’s about to refuse. Normally he wouldn’t even be asked there’d just be an Ed next to him on the seat. But then he looks into pleading, golden eyes that are desperate for his acquiescence and he can’t say no. Ed doesn’t feel well, and he’s had to face some hard truths all in a short span of time. Besides, it’s not like they need to pretend around Jean anymore at this point. “Alright, Edward. At least until you feel better.”

Ed nods and quickly moves across the small gap between the padded bench seats and sits down beside him. He shifts around a bit then ends up leaning lightly against Roy’s left shoulder. As Ed closes his eyes, Roy has no doubt he’ll be getting a lot heavier soon, but he doesn’t care. Until they figure out what’s wrong with him, formality can wait.

~*~*~*~

Marching.

The rhythmic sound of marching on hard packed sand fills his ears and it’s all he can focus on. But that’s not right, is it? He shouldn’t be hearing that now. Should he? Roy takes a deep breath, inhaling the scents around him and nearly chokes on the dry heat. The scent of sweat and desperation are heavy in the air along with the unmistakable tang of blood and cinder. He squeezes his eyes shut tighter, attempting to will it all away but he knows it’s no use. He knows where he is.

Ishval.

How many times does he have to keep coming back to Ishval?

Roy forces himself to take another deep breath and he ignores the scent of burnt flesh he knows is only in his mind, at least for now. He opens his eyes to darkness and nearly panics until his eyes adjust and he recognizes the barracks. He’s sitting on the floor against the stone wall, his white coat pooled around him. He must’ve fallen asleep this way, but where is everyone else? He scans the dark and dusty room for movement and there is none. The beds are neatly made, packs nowhere in sight, and he wonders why he can’t hear anything else. He pushes to his feet and heads for the open doorway where moonlight is streaming through. His platoon must be on night maneuvers. That must be the marching sound he hears.

He should be with them.

He needs to protect them.

Roy reaches into his coat pocket for his ignition gloves and pulls them on. They feel almost soft compared to the rough scratch of sand covering everything else. He’s actually surprised he wasn’t already wearing them. He only takes them off to eat because he can’t stand feeding himself with what amounts to loaded weapons. He never sleeps without them, so he must not have meant to fall asleep. He reaches to feel the back of his head but finds no injury. Pain does shoot through his right shoulder, however, but before he can determine the cause a voice calling out to him stops him right at the doorway to the desert.

“Roy, help me. Please.”

The voice is familiar, but not instantly recognizable. Not in this place. It’s not Maes, but who else would call out to him like that? He turns around, moving to the side of the open doorway to let the light inside and his breath catches at the sight. He’s not supposed to be here. He can’t be here, not like that. Please, not like that.

“Edward.”

For a split second, he almost didn’t recognize him, but that’s probably because he’s never seen him dressed in an Amestrian uniform. It’s disconcerting. What would drive him to put one on, to buckle to the military like he never has? His hair looks short, cut like a normal soldier’s should be, but then he realizes it’s just tied back tightly at the nape of his neck and tucked in under his uniform jacket. The white coat he’s wearing over his uniform is a little too big, but it would be. They didn’t make coats for anyone smaller than Fuery, though Fuery wouldn’t be here. Ed shouldn’t be here. This isn’t right.

Roy takes a step forward and his eyes widen when the moonlight illuminates Ed’s face. It’s covered in red. Panic seizes him when he realizes the red substance is all over him and he’s certain it’s blood. He gasps and a lump lodges in his throat. But another step closer and he can tell it must be something else. It’s not dark enough, not thick enough to be blood, but it clings to his hair, his skin, even the tips of his eyelashes and Roy wants to wash it all away. The tension eases from him slightly but his hands curl into fists and he wants all the damn noise to stop. He takes another step and another but somehow he doesn’t seem to be getting any closer. The hard packed, sandy floor crunches under his feet, mixing with the repetitive marching outside that won’t stop ringing in his ears.

He needs to reach him.

He needs to help him.

“Roy, you have to open your eyes.”

Ed holds his arms straight out from his sides, palms facing up and as the white coat spreads open it reveals Ed’s body is covered in the red substance. It shimmers in the dim light and it’s somehow familiar but Roy can’t figure out why. He almost doesn’t care. All he wants for it is to be off Ed. He squints his eyes to get a better look and it’s almost like the fluid sits on top of his clothes, sticking to him but not absorbing.

“See what, Ed? It’s too dark. What happened? What can I do?” He’s still just out of arm’s length but Roy stops trying to reach him. He needs to understand what’s happening. He needs to know what Ed’s trying to tell him but the marching’s so loud and his own rising panic is making it hard to think.

“You have to see what you’re not seeing. You have to remember.” Ed continues to hold his arms out in a helpless gesture as his eyes lock with Roy’s. “Help me, Roy. Please, you have to help me.”

“I will, Ed! I promise, I will help—”

Evil laughter, coming from the darkness behind Ed, fills the room and mixes with the pounding sound of feet stomping. Roy’s blood runs cold because he recognizes the voice, but it’s wrong. It’s so very, very wrong. There’s movement from the corner of his vision and he whips his head around to see the figure in military dress coming closer, moonlight reflecting in the familiar rectangular glasses. He doesn’t need to see the green eyes behind them to know this is an impostor, but that’s impossible. He killed that thing already. It was supposed to be over.

“You arrogant fool. You really thought you won, didn’t you? You actually thought it was all over.” The mouth that always told him everything he ever needed to hear contorts into a malicious smirk that Maes would never wear. Hate and rage sear through Roy’s veins and he raises his hand without hesitation as the hideous laughter rings out again. “This is far from over, you ignorant moron. This is so much bigger than y—”

“I killed you once and I’ll kill you a hundred more times for wearing his face again!” Roy bears his teeth as he snaps his fingers and ignites a massive white hot flame. His lips curl in a dark grin of his own as the fire consumes the doppelganger, its shriek the first pleasing sound he’s heard since waking up in this place. But then everything changes.

From the first time Roy ever donned his ignition gloves, stitched with his own personal array, he’s always been in control. Even when he was still perfecting his accuracy and power, he always had enough control of the flame to extinguish it if it became necessary. He’d never endanger others with foolishness on his part so he made certain he’d mastered his control before pushing for more. But now, for the first time he can remember…he’s not in control.

The white hot flame engulfing the homunculus twists and leaps in a way he doesn’t command. It’s as if it’s being drawn toward something as it moves away from the richly oxygenated air he’s maintaining around the screaming creature. It goes against physics, against chemistry, and for a moment he thinks it’s going to come at him even though it shouldn’t be able to. He always lowers the oxygen concentration as much as possible and pulls humidity out of the air to wrap around him and any other living being near him to protect them from the fire. The fire shouldn’t be able to get through, not at full force.

But it does.

And it’s aimed directly at Ed.

His scream tears at Roy’s heart, shattering it into pieces too numerous to count. He tries to put out the flame, to control the air and douse it the way he knows will work. But it doesn’t and Ed’s lost to flame, the red liquid feeding the fire and intensifying it even more. Alchemic energy fizzles along his fingers, aimed at stopping the flame, but nothing happens. NOTHING! Ed’s eyes lock with his and Roy again tries to reach out to him but he’s frozen in place.

“Help me, Roy. Help me. Only you can save me, but you have to remember.” Ed screams out as his flesh beings to melt, but somehow the red substance remains, feeding the fire without becoming consumed. “Poison doesn’t react this way, Mustang. But alchem—”

Whatever else Ed was going to say is swallowed by the fire and Roy’s own scream. He cries out against the invisible bonds holding him, against the pounding rhythm in his head and the horrific sight before him. He wants to make it stop, to promise he’ll save him but all he’s done is destroy him. He’s failed and this time there’s nothing he can do. He shrieks again when pain shoots through his shoulder and he closes his eyes to block it all out.

“Roy, stop. You have to stop.”

He shakes his head and the jarring pain comes again. He opens his eyes and his vision swims and blurs. He can’t focus at all.

“Roy, please. Don’t make me hurt you again. Wake up, dammit. What’s wrong with you?”

The voice. It’s Ed’s, but the flaming effigy before him with arms outstretched isn’t speaking. He can’t. His face has already melted away to bone. Roy closes his eyes again but then his teeth rattle when invisible hands shake him again.

“Dammit, Mustang, open your fucking eyes now!”

He shakes his head, not wanting to see the grotesque specter again, but the shaking doesn’t stop. He cracks his eyes open again and to his surprise it’s gone completely dark. The flames are gone, as is the oppressive heat and acrid scent of sand and sweat. The marching sound is still there. Wait, no, is that a train? Why is he on a train in the middle of the night? He straightens up to see rows of bench seats and it all starts to come back to him.

They made it to the outskirts of the Central region right around sunset. There was a red eye train leaving shortly after heading into Central City, but there were no private rooms available. By silent agreement, they’d all clambered aboard intent on reaching familiar territory even if it wasn’t in the comfort they’d grown accustomed to. That’s why he’s sitting on this hard wooden bench with moonlit scenery flying past the windows. He must’ve fallen asleep. Considering how little he’s been getting on this trip, it’s not that surprising.

“Finally. You were making a scene.”

Roy looks around the nearly empty train car at Ed’s words and sees a businessman several rows back working by penlight and an old couple asleep in the back row. Across the aisle, Havoc’s stretched out and snoring on the seat. None of them seem to be paying him any mind at all and Roy shakes his head. “I find that hard to believe, Edward.”

“Shut up, bastard. I seriously doubt you wanted to wake Havoc with your dreaming.” His words are sarcastic as usual, but there’s something else in them that has Roy turning to look at him.

The instant he sees him silhouetted by the flickering light from the window Roy immediately flashes back to the dream and how he was covered in red. He reaches out with his left hand and brushes it down the side of Ed’s face. He’s not wearing a uniform and his hair is pulled back loosely, not so tight it nearly seems to be cut. He moves his hand to Ed’s shoulder and reads the concern and worry in Ed’s eyes he heard in his voice. He’s not sure if it’s him or the situation but it sparks the panic he felt in his dream and he struggles to keep it out of his voice.

“Edward, what’s wrong? Is there something you aren’t telling me?” Ed turns his head away then looks down, both indications he’s keeping something from him. Fear tightens through him and he clenches his right hand to ground himself despite the ache it causes in his shoulder. Roy squeezes Ed’s shoulder softly. “Edward….”

“It’s nothing. I was just concerned. You sounded really upset and were saying my name.” Ed shifts in his seat and continues to look downward. “Like I said, I didn’t want you to wake Havoc.”

“Fullmetal, look at me.” Ed raises his head immediately then scowls probably at Roy’s use of his title. But it had the desired effect so he’s not sorry. “What aren’t you saying? If we’re going to get through this, I need you to be completely honest with me.”

“Fine.” Ed stares at him stubbornly for a long moment then looks away again while mumbling at the same time. “When I was looking over alchemy arrays in the books…it was…makingmesick.”

Alchemy arrays? Is he talking about the ones in the books they found? Could they have some other effect they weren’t expecting? But then Roy remembers their conversation on the other train this morning and how Ed was getting “train sick” while reading. Those weren’t foreign arrays. Those were basic constructs all alchemists use as a foundation for everything. Roy’s eyes widen. This has to mean he’s getting worse, but exactly how or why he has no idea.

“Why didn’t you tell me!?” He raises his voice without thinking and the panic in his tone is obvious even to himself. “You looked at the books in that first hotel. Were you having the same symptoms then?” Ed ducks his head guiltily and Roy loses it. “WHAT?! That was days ago. Why didn’t you say anything? What else are you keeping from me?”

Roy hears a noise behind him which is probably Havoc waking up but he doesn’t care. All he can think about is Ed in the dream begging him to help him and not being able to reach him. It’s like that all over again. Now Ed’s keeping things from him and tying his hands with lack of information. This whatever it is seems to be progressing and he doesn’t have the first clue why. So far he hasn’t found anything that mimics the symptoms Ed’s having and he’s getting the sickening feeling that time is running out.

“Roy, stop. Calm down.” Ed rests a hand on his leg and Roy nearly knocks it off, but he somehow refrains. His right hand clenches tighter and at least the shooting pain keeps his anger in check. “I’m not keeping anything else from you, and I was going to tell you. I just wanted to make sure it was a real thing and wait for us to get back to Central so we could do something about it.” Ed’s eyes are wide and open and easily readable. He’s telling the truth or at least the truth as he knows it. “I’m sorry. I just…didn’t want to worry you more.”

Roy gives him a long searching look, completely ignoring everything else. If they’ve disturbed others he doesn’t care, not as long as Ed gets this through his head. He slides his hand down to grasp Ed’s flesh one and squeezes it tight. “No more lying.” Ed starts to say something and Roy cuts him off by shaking his head. “A lie of omission is still a lie. No more, ok?” Roy releases Ed’s hand and leans closer. He reaches up to cup Ed’s cheek and gazes deeply into his eyes. “I’m not losing you to this, Edward. Not after just getting you back. Do you understand?” Ed nods slowly but Roy doesn’t pull back. “You keep nothing from me, alright? Even if you think it means nothing, tell me. Alright? Do we have an agreement?”

Ed nods again then reaches up to cover Roy’s hand on his cheek with his own. Roy can feel the cool steel of automail even through his glove and it gives him an odd comfort, the touch being one that’s Ed’s and Ed’s alone. “I promise. I’ll tell you everything,” he murmurs softly then gives Roy’s hand a soft squeeze. “And Roy, you’re finally right about one thing.”

Roy arches an eyebrow at him in question, not wanting to pull back or even utter a word yet. He knows it’s the dream that still has him so shaken, but he doesn’t care. There’s little more left for him to lose and his dreams only reinforced what that was. He feels as close to him in this moment as he has in a long time and he doesn’t want to let it go.

“You have gotten me back.”

Ed gives him that familiar mischievous grin and somehow that puts him much more at ease than anything else since he’s woken up. He smiles back at him and leans forward so their foreheads are touching. His hand slides off Ed’s cheek, taking Ed’s with it and he laces them together as they rest in his lap.

“I’ll hold you to that, Edward.” Ed grins again then quickly leans forward to give him a soft peck on the lips. He’s more than pushing the boundaries, but right now Roy can’t seem to mind. He needs the reassurance more than Ed does in this moment. Why is it there’s always something about the darkness that brings everything out into the open?

“You better,” Ed says then turns to face forward in the seat still holding Roy’s hand. He waits for Roy to face forward again as well then lightly rests his head on Roy’s left shoulder. He’s hardly putting any weight on him at all and it can’t be that comfortable but Roy knows it’s not about that kind of comfort right now. He squeezes Ed’s hand and breathes a little more freely. They will get through this. No matter what it takes.


	4. Chapter 4

Ed stretches out on the warm, soft sheets and grins. He doesn’t need to open his eyes to know he’s not in a random hotel room. The scent and feel and particular softness of this bed is one he’ll never forget. He reaches his arm out, seeking more warmth and snorts softly when he doesn’t find it. The bastard is almost always up early. He’s probably downstairs sipping his coffee and looking over his endless pile of paperwork while he waits for Ed to come spar in the backyard. He’s actually surprised the bastard hasn’t come up and kicked him out of bed already—

Wait a minute.

Ed cracks his eyes open and looks toward the window. He expects to see it half open to let the early morning breeze in and for a moment he’s certain he sees the light curtains flutter. But then his vision clears and he realizes he’s not looking at the bright, rising sun of an early summer’s day. No, instead the window is closed up tight against the dreary colored late afternoon sky. Winter always comes so much earlier to Central than it does in the East. 

Ed sits up, rubs his eyes and only then notices the extra and unfamiliar blanket covering him. All the other times he’s woken up in this bed it’s been to a light sheet stained with sweat from the night before barely still covering him and that’s not the only difference. He’s near fully dressed in his pants and black undershirt which is something that never happened when he and Roy hit the sheets. But that’s because last night, no, this morning wasn’t like the other times.

Ed runs his palm over his forehead as images of endless train rides and burning homunculi swim through his mind. That’s right, they got back to Central about an hour before dawn and went straight up to get some sleep. What is wrong with him? How could he get so confused? He shakes his head and slides to the edge of the bed when a scent hits his nose that brings a smile to his face. He knows that smell. Roy’s cooking and that’s one thing he’s missed more than he expected.

He slips off the bed and heads barefooted out the bedroom and down the stairs. He skims his left hand along the banister and glances at the walls, still bare of anything personal though he understands why all too well. The constant need to move forward, too little time, and what he does celebrate is better left unmemoralized. The scent only grows stronger the closer he gets and his stomach growls. He always did love Roy’s cooking, especially that beef stew he’d make with Eastern spices that gave it just the right kick. Ed grins and licks his lips, leave it to the bastard to know exactly what he’s in the mood for and make it happen. He’ll just need to show him exactly how much he appreciates it. Ed wets his lips again, this time with an entirely different meal in mind.

He makes his way down to the kitchen and as he expected he sees Roy at the stove stirring that mouthwatering pot of stew. He pads up behind him and instantly slides his arms around Roy’s waist, pressing himself fully against him as he does so. He rocks slightly up on his toes and nuzzles past the white collar of his button down shirt to kiss and nip lightly at his neck. His arms tighten around Roy and he breathes deep. He’s always loved the scent of his skin, not that he’d ever tell him that. The bastard is conceited enough as it is.

“Edward…what are you doing? Careful!”

Ed grins when Roy jumps and he rocks his hips against him. “Mmmm, I think it’s pretty obvious what I’m doing, you bastard.” He tightens his arms around him even more and sucks lightly at his skin savoring the taste. “How did you know I was craving that stew? Are you a mind reader as well as a sexy—”

He cuts off when Roy tightly grabs his hand that was sliding down his stomach to a much more entertaining place. Ed frowns when Roy stiffens then pushes him back. What’s wrong with him? He never minded his advances before. Just when he’d thought they were making progress. Wait, why is his arm in a sling? Ed blinks then takes another step back, pulling his hand from Roy’s grasp. Lior. Envy. Roy getting shot. His arm getting cut with the poisoned blade. Past and present mixing in a way that shouldn’t be. What’s happening to him?

Ed runs his hand over his face and looks around the kitchen, for the first time seeing all the small glasses and bowls with various colored liquids inside. The poison. They were going to test the blade with other chemical compounds to see if it reacted with anything. Ed spins around to see Roy frowning at him from in front of the stove and the pot that’s definitely _not_ the mouthwatering stew he thought it was. He takes in a breath and he’s hit hard by the smell of chemicals and other scents that belong more in a laboratory than a kitchen. It was all in his head. How could it all be in his head?

He staggers back, shaking his head. Roy’s left hand steadies him but he pulls away. Ever since he woke up he knew it wasn’t last summer, but everything he saw, he felt, everything he smelled lied to him. Was he really imagining it all? How is that possible? How could his mind interpret reality so differently? He backs up another step to put his hand on the kitchen table. It all felt so _real_. He could nearly taste the aroma of the stew on his tongue and he could’ve sworn Roy was wearing those soft lounge pants with his shirt completely unbuttoned. But now he sees he’s wearing his military trousers, probably from the day before. He is wearing a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, but it’s not open and hanging loose in the way that makes his mouth water. And he looks tired and haggard and very, very worried.

“Edward?” Roy takes a step forward and reaches out again to touch his arm and this time Ed doesn’t pull away. “What’s wrong?” Roy’s eyes lock on his and Ed easily reads the concern in them and even the fear Roy’s probably trying to hide. He’s feeling the same way. He wishes he had answers, but right now he can barely keep straight where and _when_ he is. “Talk to me, Edward. You promised, remember? No more lies. What’s going on?”

Ed shakes his head and looks around the kitchen that’s darker and more harshly lit than he thought it was. The incandescent light illuminates the room in a completely different way than the sun he thought was streaming through the window. Corners and sharp edges are thrown up in stark relief against the walls while the colors leach their menace into the air. One quick glance to the darkening sky outside and he frowns in even more confusion as he looks back to Roy.

“I don’t know. I’m just…confused.” Roy’s look turns from worry to one of slight impatience and Ed knows it’s because he’s not getting the answers he wants so he tries again. “I thought it was last summer. Even when I woke up.” Ed’s eyes dart to look around the kitchen then back at Roy. It’d be easier if the shadows weren’t still being replaced by summer light then reverting back. “I could’ve sworn you were cooking that stew I like.” Ed shakes his head and his voice takes on a fearful edge. “I could smell it, Roy. I swear I could smell it.” Just like he can feel the summer sun on his skin. He looks at him with wide eyes because he’s never felt so out of control. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.”

Roy moves quickly and before Ed knows it he’s being held against his chest. Ed sucks in a sharp breath then closes his eyes and tries not to bump Roy’s arm in the sling, but when he feels his hand tightly gripping the back of his neck he just gives in and leans against him. He can feel it in his touch. Roy’s worried too and that scares him more than everything else that’s happened. He’s always been able to figure things out with alchemy or his fists but this time he can’t even call up an alchemy circle. Just the very thought makes his stomach roll and he leans against Roy more. He’s never felt so helpless, not even when he was missing two limbs and bleeding to death.

“I’ll find the answer, Edward. I promise you. I’ll find the answer.”

Ed nods against his left shoulder and clings tightly to him a little longer, his arms wrapped tight around Roy’s waist. He does believe he’ll do everything he can. But what if they can’t find out what’s wrong with him in time? What if it’s all too much? What if he’s stuck hallucinating the past all the time? It was one thing when the poison was making him sleep too much and messed with his alchemy. But now it’s messing with his head and making him see things. Is he going crazy? Will he even know it’s happening?

“Shhhh, Ed, it’s alright. It’s going to be alright.” Roy’s soft tone and tender touch against his back takes him by surprise until he realizes the trembling he feels is his own. He shouldn’t be this weak. He should push back and find a way to help but when he tries to he remembers the men with guns pointed at his head, the sickening feeling when he tried to do alchemy, the sight of Roy covered in blood and being torn apart from his dream, and raw fear washes over him. He’s helpless. The one thing he’s relied on his whole life has been torn away, leaving him completely helpless. He squeezes his eyes tighter shut and he’s only vaguely aware the wetness against his face are his own tears soaking Roy’s shirt.

“Come on, Edward.” Roy gently steers him toward the library and he lets him. It’s easier not to think because when he does his mind either lies to him or bombards him with more than he can handle. Roy leads him over to sit on the couch and Ed immediately reaches out for him when he tries to pull away. He doesn’t want to be alone. At least Roy’s real and as long as he’s touching him there’s one thing his mind can’t lie about. “It’s ok. I’ll be right back. I’m just going to get you some tea and something to eat.”

“Is it the Keemun tea with the spicy stew?” Ed looks up at him and even as he says the words he knows something about them isn’t right but he can’t remember what. Roy reaches out and runs his hand down the side of his face gently and he smiles and leans into the touch. It feels good. Maybe Roy will keep touching him. His eyes flutter closed and he can’t remember why he was so upset a minute ago.

“I do have the tea, but the stew…isn’t ready yet.” Something sounds off with what Roy’s saying but Ed doesn’t question it as Roy’s fingers trail softly through his hair. If it was important, Roy wouldn’t keep it from him. “I had some sandwiches delivered from the deli. Would you like one with your tea?”

Ed’s stomach growls at the mention of food and he nods as Roy’s hand pulls back. He feels a momentary pang for eating as much as he does on Roy’s dime but he’ll find a way to pay him back tomorrow. He opens his eyes to look up at him and smiles at the sleep rumpled look of him. They must’ve had a good time last night, but when don’t they? “That sounds good. Thank you, bastard.”

Roy smiles at him as Ed stretches out on the couch. Maybe he’ll take a little nap while Roy gets the tea ready. It has been a long day. They must’ve sparred hard this morning, but it’s always nice to settle down with a good book and some tea before bed, especially when he’ll get to cuddle up next to Roy. He’ll never tell him but those times are just as good as the sex and sparring. Crazy bastard, and he thought this was a bad idea.

~*~*~*~

Something feels wrong.

Ed shifts around on whatever he’s lying on and realizes his left arm is asleep. Well, that can happen when you’re lying on it. Ed tosses around again and attempts to work circulation back into his left hand without opening his eyes. He’s figured out he’s lying on a couch and he’s pretty sure he knows which one. He’s spent enough time on it lately but not usually asleep. It’s become his favorite place to study, when Roy isn’t being all weird and shutting him out. He needs to find out what his deal is. And Roy was the one all worried about trust.

He stretches out on the couch again then finally slits his eyes open. The room is dim. It must be the middle of the night and the bastard still isn’t in bed. He opens his eyes wider and sees the light’s coming from a lamp on the desk across the room instead of the overhead light. The curtains are drawn, which is strange enough in itself. Roy usually has them open at least a little bit until he heads to bed, but it matches with the whole secretive thing he’s had going on lately. It’s something Ed needs to get to the bottom of one way or another.

Ed sees him, hunched over his desk the way he’s been for what seems like weeks and scowls. There are books littering the entire surface of the desk he’s working at as well as scattered on the floor. Crumpled up pieces of paper are in and around the small trash can and it’s all very unRoylike. He’s always so neat and organized. That’s why he’s been worried about him but every time he tries to get close he gets shut down. He’s attempting to give this whole trust thing a go but he’s about at the end of his rope.

He pushes to a sitting position and sees a half-eaten sandwich and empty tea cup on the side table nearest him. Is Roy even taking his meals in here now? It doesn’t make any sense. He’s working as frantically as Ed ever has but with even less of a break. Isn’t that going to draw questions? What’s going on—

Wait a minute.

Ed looks across the dimly lit room again and stares at Roy’s hunched up shoulders as he leans over a book. He can hear him occasionally whispering to himself and suddenly this is all too familiar. He’s done this before. He’s been through it all and he knows what Roy’s doing. His eyes go wide and he sucks in a breath.

Havoc.

He’s going to try and heal Havoc and it will never work! The idiot will end up burning himself up if he tries. He can’t control the alkahestry with his alchemy. He’ll kill them both! Anger and fear rush through him because somehow he knows that’s what he’s going to do. He doesn’t care how he knows, he just does. He has to stop him! He pushes off the couch and rushes across the room scattering the notes on the desk when he reaches it. He shoves at Roy and tries to snatch the book from his hands.

“Stop! You have to stop. I’m not going to let you do it, you bastard! I’m not going to let you kill yourself and Havoc with your own stupidity!” Roy’s head jerks up to look at him and Ed suddenly remembers standing with him in the entry hall having this same conversation. He remembers Roy raising his right hand covered in that damn alkahestry glove and he remembers the feeling of all his nerves short circuiting. Ed’s eyes go wide with fear and betrayal. He’ll do it again. He has to stop him first.

“Ed, no! Stop!”

He won’t let Roy attack him again. He’ll attack him first and make sure he can’t. Ed claps his hands together intending to shackle Roy to his own desk chair when the whole world spins suddenly. Lightning pain shoots through his head and he drops to his knees like a stone. The pain blinds him but then the word spins sickeningly into focus as he falls forward on his hands and violently empties the contents of his stomach on the floor. His gut clenches painfully and he can’t stop heaving until there’s nothing else to puke and tears run down his face. It’s the alchemy. He can’t use alchemy. How did he forget?

His arms are trembling and he wants to move away from the mess but he can’t. He can’t do anything. Another dry heave wracks his body and he coughs painfully and spits on the floor. He feels like his insides are turned inside out and maybe they are. Who knows what else this poison is doing to him. He’s obviously losing his mind.

He feels a hand lightly run over his sweat soaked hair and he closes his eyes and pants to catch his breath. His head finally doesn’t feel like it’s being split in two and for the first time in what he’s guessing is a while he can think relatively clearly. He remembers everything, Lior, the train rides, the hotels, mixing up time in the kitchen and now. It’s all sliding into place, but for how long? How long before he doesn’t know when or where he is again? What happens if Roy can’t fix him? Is he just going to end up Al’s burden?

No.

He won’t. He won’t end up out of his mind, locked up somewhere. He’ll ask Roy to put him out of his misery if it comes to that. He won’t drag Al down with him. But what if he’s too far gone to ask?

“Roy….” His voice sounds weak even to his own ears and he swallows against the bile still rising in his throat.

“It’s alright, Edward. I’m here.” Ed nods slowly, very slowly so he doesn’t upset his stomach again then crouches back on his heels. “Do you think you can get up?”

Ed pauses a full minute then nods slowly again. He feels Roy trying to help him up but he scrambles to get his own weight under him because the last thing Roy needs is to damage his shoulder even more. He finally makes it back to standing with Roy’s support and he really should clean up this mess before he forgets. He sways unsteady on his feet. Maybe he’ll clean up in a few minutes when the world’s wobbling less. He’s shaky and unsteady but Roy’s there to lean on and guide him back to the couch.

“I’m-I’m sorry about…the mess. I thought…I thought you were….”

“It’s ok. You were confused. Just sit down and get some rest.” Ed slides down on the couch but before Roy can pull away he grabs his wrist. Roy’s voice is strong and reassuring but when he looks up at him he can see the concern and what looks like fear in his eyes. That look is like a punch in the gut because he understands it all too well. He swallows hard and sucks in a deep breath.

“You still don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Roy flinches and tries to pull his hand back but Ed holds firm. He’s still thinking clearly but he can feel the edges of his mind eroding and he knows he won’t be able to hold this focus for long. He needs to know, now, before everything slips away again. “Talk to me, Roy. Tell me what’s going on. You tried to get it to react with something in the kitchen, didn’t you?”

Roy nods then slowly sinks down to his knees in front of him. He looks up to meet Ed’s gaze and he can see the deep, dark circles under Roy’s eyes. He looks even more exhausted than when he was trying to find an answer for Havoc and Ed bites his lower lip. He doesn’t even know if it’s been one day or ten but from the looks of Roy it doesn’t look very promising. He should ask him now because who knows how long he has left. Roy’s right arm is no longer in the sling, but he’s still holding it close to his body. He probably just wanted a break from the sling that’s rubbed his neck raw despite the padding Ed tried to make from his coat. Ed swallows hard when Roy reaches out with his left hand and laces their fingers together in his lap.

“It hasn’t reacted with anything yet. But I’m going to find an answer, Edward. I promise you.” Roy’s voice is rough and uneven despite the obvious conviction he’s trying to put into his words. Time’s running out and they both know it. But Ed also knows Roy will do everything he can to save him.

“Maybe you should try testing some of my blood. Maybe it’ll react with—”

Ed stops when Roy’s hand tightens over his. “You suggested that yesterday, Edward.” Roy turns his hand over and Ed looks down to find two of his fingers freshly bandaged. Why didn’t he feel that? He tries to concentrate and remember how that happened and he vaguely remembers a knife in the kitchen but then things begin to get fuzzy and his focus cracks so he stops trying. The more he attempts to concentrate the more things slide out of focus.

“You didn’t find anything, did you?” Roy shakes his head and Ed sighs softly. He wants to help but he’s getting the feeling he’d just be in the way. There’s more he wants to ask, to know, but his mind’s already starting to drift and he’s having a hard time remembering why Roy looks so tired. He shivers at the chill clinging to his skin and he looks over at the cold fireplace already stacked with wood. He bets Roy keeps it that way so he can light it with a snap of his fingers. It would probably be neat to see, not that he’d tell him that. It would just go to his head. “I’m cold.”

They each sit motionless for a moment as Ed stares at the fireplace. It really would be nice if the wood were burning. He feels Roy pull his hand away then he turns his head to look up at him. He’s walking over to his desk and Ed smiles. He’s going to get his gloves to light it. It may be silly, but he does like to watch Roy use alchemy. He still needs a circle but he makes it look so effortless. Ed watches as he pulls the glove on his left hand with his teeth. It seems wrong somehow but the thought drifts away as he turns his gaze to the unlit wood to watch.

There’s the expected finger snap, the crackle of ozone in the air and the flash of flame as the logs ignite, but that’s not all. At first Ed’s convinced he’s seeing things again until he hears Roy’s gasp of surprise. The logs ignited as they should have but what wasn’t normal was the alchemic flame in the air that went a different direction altogether. Ed’s mind is fuzzy and it doesn’t make much sense but he can almost swear he saw the flame drawn out of the air and into the blade on the desk like lightning going to ground. It was nothing more than a flash, and maybe he imagined it all, but it looked like the blade absorbed the flame.

“Roy?”

His voice is unsteady and weak and he barely recognizes it. He hasn’t sounded that way since he was a little kid and his mom…. He swallows hard and looks over to see Roy quickly opening books and scanning notes. Why’s he doing that? Why didn’t he hear him? He bites his trembling lower lip in confusion. He doesn’t understand what’s going on. He wants Al and his mom and his home and he knows he can’t have any of them and he can’t remember why. He sniffles as the world blurs and his eyes burn. Why can’t he fix things? He always fixes things.

Ed turns and buries his face against the back of the couch. All he wants to do is disappear from this world of confusion and fear. Darkness is closing in again and he tries to fight it. It shouldn’t be welcome. There’s a reason he doesn’t like it. His mind is fragmenting and he may never get it together again. He claws at his fading consciousness and whispers softly against the worn couch fabric too soft to be heard.

“Roy. Please help me.”

~*~*~*~

Everything seems to be shaking apart and he doesn’t know why. Even in the darkness he can feel movement and it’s jarring, too jarring to ignore. Why can’t they leave him in the peace? He hasn’t had peace in so long. There’s a voice he can’t make out and it sounds worried but he can’t be concerned with that in here. In the dark there is no pain, no confusion. He doesn’t have to think and his mind doesn’t hurt anymore. But the jarring disorder keeps pressing in and shattering the quiet. Image fragments slide past his mind’s eye growing more and more vivid: his mom as a twisted monster, Al cursing him as his armor is torn apart by chimeras, Roy’s look of anguish as the homunculus takes a bite out of his side and the burning inferno of revenge.

“Ed, please, wake up, Edward. Fullmetal. Can you hear me? Open your eyes.”

Dreams. They’re all dreams. Except for the one about his mom. That’s a living nightmare he can never dispel. He hears Roy’s voice and he must be what’s causing the shaking. Ed blinks his eyes open and it seems bright, too bright compared to the dark recesses of his mind. The shaking stops when his eyes open and he stares at Roy blankly. Why did he take him out of that place?

“Ed, look at me. I need you to answer a question. Can you do that?”

He’s speaking, asking something, and Ed can tell he wants an answer but he doesn’t know if he can give it. Roy’s voice doesn’t sound right. It’s higher than the usual smooth baritone and he can’t understand why. He struggles to grasp his meaning but it slips away the moment he tries to focus on it. But Roy wants something and he’ll give him anything so he nods eagerly.

“When you do your alchemy, you become the array, right? The alchemy flows through you as the circle, right?” Roy’s looking at him with wide eyes. He’s still wanting something. Ed can see it all over his face and he wants to give it to him. He reaches out and touches his cheek with his flesh hand and Roy instantly reaches across his body to grab and squeeze it. “You have to visualize the array to make it work, don’t you? So when you’re reading arrays it’s more active than just reading. You’re seeing them in your mind the way you do when you become the array?”

Ed blinks at him and smiles. That was a lot of words and he loves the sound of Roy’s voice even if it is more rushed and higher pitched than usual. He could listen to him talk all day but Roy never wants to talk that much even though he uses words with everyone else. It makes his voice even more special when he gets to hear it. Smooth and deep like a sensual caress inside his ears and inside his body. He wants him to keep talking so he smiles more and nods at him. Maybe if he agrees he’ll get to keep hearing his voice

Roy frowns when he nods and Ed sucks in a breath. He bites his lip and his eyes begin to burn. He upset him. He didn’t want to upset him. He pulls his hand from Roy’s grasp and reaches up to smooth the lines on his forehead. Maybe he can smooth them all away and make it better. Maybe he can make him talk again and he can get lost in that rich, satin voice.

“You don’t know what I’m saying, do you?” Ed grins as he speaks again and nods happily. The lines between Roy’s eyes smooth out some though his shoulders sag. He feels like he should know what that means but he doesn’t remember and since Roy isn’t pulling away he doesn’t care. All he needs is Roy close. He’ll do anything to keep him close.

Ed leans forward into Roy’s space and breathes deep. He’s always loved the way he smells and now is no different. It’s fiery and wild with the scent of cinder and something spicy he can’t name. It’s uniquely Roy and right now he wants to be uniquely Roy’s. It’ll bring him peace again like he was in the dark. He leans forward even more and brushes his lips against his jaw and is surprised when it’s not smooth like silk. It’s rough and prickly like the fine grit sandpaper Granny used to smooth out the new banister rail. That’s not right.

Roy pulls back sharply and Ed’s lower lip trembles. Did he do something wrong? He didn’t mean to do anything wrong. He just wants to be wrapped up in that warmth that makes his head not hurt. The darkness does that, but so does Roy and he wants that. He needs that. “Roy, pleeeeeeease,” he whines softly only now remembering how to find his voice.

Roy’s dark eyes widen and Ed gets completely lost in them. How can anyone’s eyes be so amazingly dark? It’s like looking into the darkest night sky or that place where he feels safe and he needs more. He needs to stop hurting. The brightness of everything around him is making his head throb but focusing on what he feels when he looks at Roy makes it hurt a little less. He needs that. He needs that now and he leans forward to press his lips to Roy’s soft and firm ones.

For an instant everything quiets as he moves his lips over Roy’s, but then he starts to pull away and Ed can’t have that. He reaches out with both hands, grabbing at Roy’s shoulders to pull him closer and deepen the kiss. He needs to feel his mouth on his. He needs to feel his tongue but instead there’s a sharp cry that doesn’t sound like Roy at all and Ed’s back hits the back of the couch hard. He doesn’t know what happened and suddenly everything closes in on him at once. He just wanted Roy.

The light is so bright and so is the rug and the table beside him. The stuff on his body feels too loose then too tight and he squirms to try to make them stop changing. The books on the shelf are screaming at him and he covers his ears in pain. Hot wetness stings and pours from his eyes and down his face making his skin hurt. Everything’s moving and he can’t make it stop. The smell of the fire in the corner tastes all wrong and he can’t keep his eyes open enough to hear. He tries to make a sound but he can’t smell and he doesn’t know if anything comes out at all.

“Edward, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just didn’t expect….”

Ed goes completely still when he tastes, no hears that voice again. It helps bring things into focus because he can focus on just one thing and not the dozens of other things pressing in on him. He opens his eyes and Roy is there, right in front of him again. He lunges forward and breathes out easily when a strong arm wraps around him. He presses his face against Roy’s neck and all he knows for a moment is the sound of his breathing and the rhythmic pulsing just under his lips. He kisses Roy’s pulse and makes a soft sound at everything stilling again, but he needs more. He needs that feeling of completion he knows Roy can give him but he doesn’t know how to tell him so the hot liquid burns his eyes again.

“Shhhhh, Ed, it’s alright. I promise. It’s alright.” Ed feels a hand stroke his hair and he sighs softly against Roy’s skin. It’s better, but it’s not enough. “What can I do, Ed? What can I do? I think I’m close to figuring this out, but I need you to hold on a little longer, Edward. Can you do that for me?” Ed makes a soft sound when he hears Roy’s smooth voice again and he presses closer to him seeking more. He just needs him to keep talking. It keeps the pieces from hurting him. He doesn’t have to focus on anything else if he’s focused on him. “You don’t understand me, do you? I want to help you, Ed, but I don’t know what to do.”

Ed turns his head so his lips are against Roy’s neck and he kisses over his skin that’s as soft and smooth as it’s supposed to be. He leans forward off the couch to get even closer and he sucks on his delicious skin. He needs whatever this is. He needs Roy and the feelings that aren’t in his head. His mind hurts and he doesn’t want to think. Roy makes everything better. He just wants this warmth inside to spread and he runs his hands down Roy’s body. He doesn’t know where they’re going, but they seem to know the way so he lets them roam where they will as he licks and sucks along Roy’s throat. Thinking is bad right now. No thinking and just Roy is better.

“Edward….” Roy sucks in a breath and Ed feels the arm around him tighten. “I don’t feel right about…but you still don’t know what I’m saying, do you?” Ed presses closer each time Roy pulls back even a fraction. Need Roy, Roy equals peace. Roy equals peace. He burrows against his warmth and he doesn’t want to let go.

“Warm. Warm, warm, warm. Pleaaaase.” The words leave his lips and he only barely understands what they mean. He just wants more of this that’s making him feel so safe. He slides his tongue over the hollow in Roy’s throat and makes a pleased sound at the low rumble he hears. His hands slide lower down Roy’s body until Roy catches one of them with his own.

“You like warmth, hmm? I can’t do this like this, Ed, but I promise I won’t shut you out.” Ed feels his right hand pulled upward and his metal fingers lace with Roy’s. It’s nice, but nowhere near enough to what he needs. “Why don’t we get you cleaned up, Edward? You’ve always liked nice, hot bathes. How about I get you nice and cleaned up. Will that make you feel warm and feel better?”

“Waaaaaarm,” Ed purrs back at him and leans forward, but to his surprise Roy moves and pulls him with him. He pouts. Where can warm be but here? Ed makes it to his feet unsteadily but Roy’s touch guides him. He leans into him and they’re moving but he doesn’t care. As long as he’s close to Roy the walls aren’t too loud. He wraps his arms around him as they slowly go up, bit by bit, and he feels like he’s floating even though he knows his feet are on the ground.

“That’s it, Ed. We’re almost there.” Roy leads him from place to place and Ed doesn’t resist because his warmth is there to guide him. Warm is Roy. Roy is warm. Nothing else is the right kind of warm. Even when he pulls away a bit it’s alright because his words continue to caress him. “There we go, Edward. Let me get the water running and we’ll get you all warm and clean.”

The rushing water blocks out everything but Roy’s voice and the next thing he’s actually aware of is sinking down into warm water that wraps him in a soothing embrace. Roy’s still there, his hand running over his face with something soft and running through his wet hair. It’s comforting and warm, so very warm. The right kind of warm. Roy’s hand runs across his chest, his arms, his neck, his back and down over his stomach. It sinks beneath the water’s surface and he doesn’t want him to stop because the warmth is completely enveloping him.

“Roy….” His voice is rough and different when he says his name and he doesn’t know why, but he does know it’s not small and scared anymore. He was scared. He remembers that feeling and he remembers curling up in Roy’s arms until the blackness took the fear away. Now Roy’s taking the fear away and he trusts in that completely. His breath hitches in his chest, his body jerks and heat fills him completely as he sinks further into the water. Roy’s lips brush against his temple and his skin nearly burns from the touch, but in a good way. Cause it’s warm, Roy warm.

“I’ll help you, Edward. I promise you. I’ll help you.”


	5. Chapter 5

“What do you mean you can’t help him?! You have the damn Philosopher’s Stone. What else could you possibly need?” Roy takes a step forward, his gloved hands curling into fasts as rage sears through him. “I don’t want to hear about ‘can’t,’ Marcoh. I want you to fix him. Now. That’s an order!”

Marcoh wilts under his verbal attack but he doesn’t back away. He just hangs his head looking helpless and it enrages Roy even more. He shakes his head slowly, deliberately avoiding Roy’s eyes when he speaks. “I mean I can’t do it. I can use the stone to heal wounds, mend bones, or boost the immune system against illness, but I can’t do this. His spine is severed, Mustang. I can’t regrow nerves. That’s bordering on human transmutation and I can’t do it. I won’t.”

His demeanor’s meek but his words are firm and Roy takes an aggressive step forward as he toys with the cuff of his glove. “Then how about I call the MPs and tell them your location? Would that change your mind?” His eyes narrow dangerously as Marcoh raises his head, obvious fear in his eyes. “Or maybe, I’ll just take the stone and do it myself!”

“Colonel.”

Hawkeye’s voice is soft but with a definite edge and Roy wants to ignore it. He wants to snatch the stone from Marcoh’s hand and fix everything from Havoc to Ed and Alphonse. He’s more than tempted. One snap of his gloves and no one would even miss the deserter. Just add another mark on his soul. It’d be so easy. But this is exactly why he asked his Lieutenant to watch his back all those years ago. She’d have her gun drawn and aimed at his back before he could even raise his hand. The results don’t always outweigh the means and he knows it even though he hates it. Too many innocents have already paid with their lives and while Marcoh is far from innocent that doesn’t mean his life should be extinguished for such a petty reason. 

Roy takes a reluctant step back and looks down at Havoc in the bed beside him. He’d been so excited when they’d come to tell him Breda found Marcoh and he should be alright. Now he looks as devastated as when he first received the news of his paralysis a month ago. His hands are curled on his thighs and he stares down at them with a fixed, empty stare. Roy can only imagine what he’s thinking.

“I’m sorry, Mustang. I’d help if I could. But this….”

Marcoh’s words drift off and Roy can’t stand to look at him so he watches Hawkeye pick up Jean’s cigarettes from his side table and silently offer them to him. He doesn’t acknowledge her at first, but then, probably out of habit, he reaches out and pulls one from the half empty pack. One last habit he can cling to when the rest of his world’s changed. He doesn’t ask for a light, but Roy has no intention of making him so he raises his fingers and snaps.

Then everything gets strange.

The end of the cigarette lights as expected, but that’s not the only thing that happens. Roy’s eyes widen when his tightly controlled flame leaps toward Marcoh and for a split second he wonders if his subconscious has decided to act against him without his knowledge. Hawkeye gasps and Breda stands up straighter by the door to the bedroom, but then it’s over as the liquid stone inside the vial in Marcoh’s hand absorbs the alchemic flame.

Roy narrows his eyes at the display, the implications making his mind spin. Marcoh’s stone is probably fully capable of absorbing his hottest flame but not able to heal one man’s spine? He shakes his head angrily. Then what was the point? All those souls went into making it but if it can’t even do something as simple as this…. It’s unacceptable and if he stays here much longer he very well might follow through with one of his threats.

“We appreciate your input, Doctor. “ Roy glances toward the door to catch Breda’s eye. He’ll need to be headed back out West as soon as tonight, but it was nice to see him even if it was only for a little while. He’s pushing the limits of his personal time already. “Breda, if you’d escort the Doctor out.”

Breda nods and immediately moves forward to guide him out of Jean’s home. Roy keeps his eyes locked on him until he’s out of sight then takes a deep breath. Ever since Breda mentioned Marcoh was alive and in possession of the stone he had no doubt about Havoc’s recovery. He couldn’t. The stone had always been touted as the answer to everything. But now…. Roy shakes his head. He doesn’t care if it’s bordering on human transmutation. He’s going to find a way to make this right. He turns toward the bed again and sees Havoc still looking downcast toward his legs, burning cigarette between his lips.

“Lieutenant.” Havoc makes no sign that he heard him at all and Roy softens his voice slightly. “Jean. You have my word. I will find a way to fix this.” And he will. He’s never failed any of them yet and he has no intention of starting now. His mind turns toward the alkahestry array he’s been working on in his spare time. He’s never done much more than cure a headache or Ed’s soreness from his automail, but the potential for more is there. Maybe if he combines it with his alchemy—

Roy starts when his wrist is suddenly enclosed in a tight grip. He looks down again to see intense blue eyes staring at him, almost looking through him. Something in the back of his mind screams this isn’t right, that it didn’t happen this way, but he can’t look away. He’s fixed in place, waiting for whatever comes next. Smoke trails from the tip of Havoc’s cigarette, curling upward and around his head almost like a halo. Havoc’s grip tightens even more around Roy’s wrist, nearly to the point of being painful, but he doesn’t pull away. Like he could. Havoc’s one of his own and if he can’t take care of them, what good will he be at the top?

“You have to fix it, Roy. No matter the cost. You have to make it right.”

Roy frowns slightly at the way Havoc address him and the strange quality to his voice. Something about this feels off, but he can’t place it. He opens his mouth to assure Havoc he’ll find an answer when sudden, shrill ringing pierces the air. He jumps in surprise, but then Havoc speaks again.

“You can’t hold back. There’s no other option. You know what you have to do.”

Roy shakes his head because he knows where this is going and he can’t, he can’t do it He won’t hurt him. They’ve been through too much together. Roy pulls at his wrist as the ringing gets louder but he can’t budge the grip of steel. Automail. He knows that feeling. He gasps in surprised when suddenly it’s not Havoc holding his wrist but Ed dressed in the military dress of Ishval. He’s covered in red, a substance similar to but different from blood. He’s seen it before and all he knows is he hates it. He knows nothing else about it but that. Roy shudders at the image as Ed begins to wither away before his eyes, drying up like an old tree starved for water.

“Help me, Roy. Please. You have to save me.”

The shrill ringing comes again and this time Roy jumps and opens his eyes. The side of his face is pressed against an open book and there are papers scattered around him. His desk. He’s still at the desk in his library. Roy sits up again, stretching and rubbing his eyes and then nearly falls out of his chair when the phone rings. Who even knows he’s home? He shakes his head and yawns as he reaches for it. It must be the ringing sound he was hearing in his dream. Images flicker through his mind but he’s already losing their clarity. Roy glances toward the drawn curtains and he can tell it’s still night. Who would be calling this late? He picks up the receiver at the corner of the desk and clears his throat.

“Hello? This is Mustang.”

“Good evening, Colonel. Sorry to bother you so late, but the caller was quite insistent he be allowed to speak to you.” Roy rubs his eyes again and stifles a yawn as he sits up straight. It wouldn’t be Bradley. He’s far more subtle than that. His back cracks at the motion and he shakes his head. He’s getting too old for this type of all-night research.

It wouldn’t be Bradley because he wouldn’t risk revealing his true nature

“That’s alright. Do you know who’s calling?” He rubs the back of his neck then adjusts the strap of the sling. His shoulder still aches from when he took it off earlier and he doubts it was in a good position when he was passed out over the desk. He should’ve just gone and taken a proper nap, but there just isn’t time. Ed’s already deteriorated so much….

“It’s Alphonse Elric, sir. Apparently he’s been trying to reach you and was routed through the military switchboard once your whereabouts were determined.”

Roy stiffens at the mention of Alphonse. He hasn’t spoken to him since their first stop out of Lior and he hasn’t filled him in on Ed’s condition. He intended to, but things spiraled so quickly and then he didn’t need to deal with an overprotective eight foot suit of armor. Honestly, he might prefer if it was Bradley on the other line. Roy runs his hand over his face and glances over at Ed sleeping on the couch wrapped up in his robe. He can’t possibly tell Al how bad he is, but he has to tell him something.

“Alright. Put him through.” There’s a crackle on the line as the switchboard operator makes the connection and Roy holds his breath waiting for the inevitable explosion. It’s far less common than Ed’s but if there’s one thing that runs in the Elric family aside from pure intellectual genius it’s a temper.

“Colonel? Is that you?” The tinny voice echoes through the phone and does nothing to hide the panicked edge to it. Roy closes his eyes. This isn’t a conversation he wants to have right now or ever. He’d hoped to have cured Ed before Al needed to be told. “Where are you? I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for days.”

“I’m in Central, Alph—”

“CENTRAL? What are you doing in _Central?_ ” There’s a shifting noise from the other side of the line and Roy imagines his large gloved hand fumbling with the phone. “You were supposed to be meeting me in Resembool, or somewhere close. It will take me days to get to Central, and I don’t even _sleep!_ What’s going on, Colonel?”

Roy runs his hand over his face. He knows nothing he says will make this any better so he tries to go with as much truth as he can. He has a feeling Al knows him far too well for anything less. “There were…complications, Alphonse, circumstances that deemed it best to come back to Central. I’m sorry I didn’t get in touch with you sooner—”

“You didn’t get in touch with me at all!”

Roy winces at the anger in his voice that’s more than warranted. He should’ve contacted him sooner, but considering he has no assurances Ed will be the same even if he rids him of what’s infecting him…. He swallows hard because he knows why he didn’t contact Al. He didn’t want to face the fact that Ed might not be alright after this.

He glances over at him fast asleep on the couch and part of him wants to believe he’s curled up in his robe because they’d spent all day together upstairs in bed. But he knows that’s just a delusion. Whenever Ed wakes he has no idea if he’ll even know him anymore. Or maybe he will and it’ll be like it was a few hours ago when the only way he could seem to communicate with him at all was through touch. What happens if that’s the way it is forever? What if he never gets his brilliant, sharp minded Edward back? What if—”

“Colonel!? Are you still there? Colonel, what happened? What’s wrong with Brother? Let me speak to him!”

Roy’s hand tightens on the phone as he closes his eyes again and takes a deep breath. When he speaks he attempts to keep his tone soft and even. “He’s sleeping right now, Alphonse. I’d rather not wake him.” The other end goes quiet for a moment and Roy takes another breath, letting it out slow. “When we were in Lior…Edward was injured.”

“What? What happened? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Al’s voice echoes loudly in his ear and he can hear the sounds of metal on metal which he assumes is him moving around. He always has found it strange to see a suit of armor fidget, but there’s no time to worry about that now.

“We didn’t know the extent of it when I first spoke to you. As it turns out…he’s been poisoned.” There’s another sound of clanking metal but Roy continues before he can speak. “I-we’ve been working on determining what it is so we can make him better, but it’s going to take a little more ti—”

“I could’ve been helping!” There’s a short pause then when Al speaks again his voice takes on a different quality that makes Roy’s stomach twist. It’s cool, even and he’s glad Alphonse actually is several days away. Ed may come off as the one you should take care around but Al may actually be the scarier of the two when you get down to it. “It’s worse than you’re saying, isn’t it? That’s why he hasn’t called me himself.” The line goes quiet for another moment and Roy can’t even force himself to answer, but he doubts he needs to. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. You make sure Brother is still ok when I get there.”

Roy sighs softly and nods as he speaks. “I’ll do everything I can, Alphonse. You have my word”

“Oh, Colonel, one more thing.”

Al’s voice has lost the dangerous sounding edge to it and Roy rubs at his eyes tiredly. He really does need to get back to finding an acceptable answer. “Yes?”

“Brother’s right. Sometimes you really are an asshole.”

The line clicks on the other end and Roy continues to hold the phone for a moment, stunned at the words he no doubt deserves. He has been an asshole over the years to the both of them, sometimes with cause and sometimes without, but it has happened. In all honesty, he probably never should’ve dragged them into the military. It was more for his own gain than theirs. But it’s done. And whether he should or shouldn’t have done this or that there’s no changing it now.

He glances over at Ed and sucks in a breath as he hangs up the phone. There’s no doubt he shouldn’t have ever become involved with him, but the time for debating is over. It is what it is and for better or worse he’s going to make the best of it and that starts with making him better. He only wishes he could think of another way….

_”You can’t hold back. There’s no other option. You know what you have to do.”_

They’re only words from a dream but they say everything he’s been trying to ignore. Ever since he saw the blade absorb his flame he knew what had to be inside him. He doesn’t know how or even why but somehow there’s some type of Philosopher’s Stone variant or precursor inside Ed’s body and it’s devouring him. He only knows one way of destroying a Philosopher’s Stone and he’s been killing himself to find an alternative, especially since he can’t even explain to Ed what’s happening. It’s what makes it even worse. 

Roy runs his fingers through his messy hair then reaches for the half empty coffee cup at the corner of the desk. It’s cold and it tastes horrible as he gulps it down, but it’s filled with caffeine which is what he needs right now. He’s fairly certain it’s the stone like substance in Ed’s blood that’s been causing him to sleep so much. It’s probably feeding on him and considering how he uses his mind to visualize his arrays that’s most likely why it’s attacked his mind the way it has. He just hopes he’ll get all his faculties back once he gets it out of him…if he can.

He closes his eyes and rubs hard at his temples. He can’t exactly destroy the poison the way he has the homunculi’s stones, but if he could feed it enough alchemic energy, might it do the same thing? The only way he can imagine doing that is with alkahestry but he’d have to be able to see what he was attacking. When he first used his alkahestry array, it was to treat headaches or muscle soreness. The array would allow him to feel the problem like an angry irritation rising from the area and he’d use the alkahestry energy to smooth it all away. It was part science and part instinct that he never intended on taking further until Marcoh couldn’t heal Havoc.

Roy glances over at the gloves on the desk with the green stitching instead of red. He’d changed colors to avoid mistaking the alkahestry gloves with his ignition ones so he was never caught with the wrong ones at the wrong time. He’d had no idea how devastating they’d be employed as a weapon. He stares at the array that’s less geometric and more flowing in its lines than an alchemic array. It’s more like a work of art and one he never imagined refining so much, but he knew to heal Havoc he needed more than just a vague feeling to guide his energies. That’s when he began experimenting with using the array to more clearly visualize an injury even when he couldn’t see it with his eyes.

He traces his finger over the additions he originally made to the array that made fixing Havoc’s spine and Ed’s stab wound possible. He’d found that if he was familiar enough with the anatomy to picture it in his mind the array could help him know what needed to be mended and with the energy boost from his overlaid alchemic array and his own energies, he could make it work. The only problem now is he doesn’t know what he’s looking for. They’ve used alchemy for centuries but little is known about how it interacts with the body or why the ability varies so widely from person to person. Somehow this poison is targeting Ed’s alchemy and he needs to see why.

Roy shakes his head then turns back to the open book he’s now certain is in ancient Xingese. It’s been grueling work to translate, but once he recognized some of the arrays as alkahestry he knew it might be worth it, considering he’s already exhausted the small collection of alkahestry research he’d collected over the years. He squints at some of the sweeping symbols at the top and bottom of the design. He’s fairly certain these might hold the key to what he needs, but there’s no way to know for sure without trying it.

The character at the top vaguely resembles an eye and the one on the bottom looks to be three connected spirals. He’s never seen anything like them in alchemy but for what little he understands of the text the top one is for sight and the bottom for the inner self…though he’s not completely sure what the means. He’s hoping if he adds them to his alkahestry array it might help him see the poison inside Ed. He’s running on a lot of instinct and guess work here, but with how quickly Ed’s deteriorating he may just have to guess. That fact alone has had him in knots for the last day but he hasn’t found any other options. Alkahestry seems to be more instinctive than alchemy but he doubts it was meant to be used by someone who knows as little as he does.

He hears a sound behind him and he whips his head around when he realizes the source. Ed’s still stretched out on the couch and Roy’s black robe has slipped open partly to reveal his bare legs. His head is pillowed on his arms and in other circumstances he’d make an enticing sight…except for the fact the golden eyes locked on him show no recognition at all.

Roy’s breath catches and he feels a sharp pain in his chest. There’s a smile on Ed’s face, but it’s not one he’s seen before. It’s childlike and innocent, so very different than the Ed he’s always known. There’s no hardness to his eyes, no deep seated pain that’s always hidden in those golden depths no matter if he’s happy or sad. That in itself might be a blessing but for the blank emptiness. The spark he’s always seen in Ed is gone and no matter what it costs he has to find a way to bring it back.

He pushes up from his chair and pauses for a minute to give his back a chance to uncoil from the cramped position it’s been in sitting at the desk for hours. Roy takes the few steps to cross the room slowly, almost as if his movement might startle him, but Ed seems unaffected. He just keeps smiling that blank smile, his eyes following Roy’s every movement. Roy swallows hard as he reaches him and kneels down beside the couch. He reaches out slowly to brush Ed’s unbound hair out of his face and Ed instantly closes his eyes and leans into his touch. He makes a sound like a purr and Roy’s throat grows tight.

“You don’t even know who I am anymore, do you?” Ed makes that same purr-like sound as he rubs his head against Roy’s hand like a cat. Would he react like this if it was someone else touching him? He turns his head to kiss Roy’s palm then his wrist before slowly making his way down his arm. Roy pulls back quickly because that’s not where he’s trying to make this go. It’s not right. Not like this. Ed turns his head toward him, and tilts it in obvious confusion but then even that is gone as the smile returns and he nestles down on the couch. Ed keeps smiling at him and he wishes it didn’t feel quite so creepy.

He leans forward to press his lips against Ed’s forehead softly and Ed makes a softly contented sound. Roy pulls back and forces a smile. He’s been hypersensitive to every action of Roy’s and he’d rather not set off the wrong emotions. “Why don’t you just get a little more rest, alright?” Ed’s already yawning and Roy brushes his hand over his hair. “That’s it. Just get some rest for now, Edward. It’s going to be alright.” He struggles to keep his voice from wavering. “I promise.”

Ed rubs his cheek against Roy’s hand a couple times then closes his eyes. It only takes a few moments for him to drift back off to sleep and Roy takes the opportunity to watch him. He’d like to pretend he looks like his old self in his sleep, but it’s not true. Ed’s always looked more relaxed when he slept and some mornings Roy enjoyed waking early so he could watch him with a more innocent look on his face. But it was never like this. It was never this…blank, as if nothing had ever happened at all. He rocks back on his heels and forces himself to stand. They don’t have time for this.

Roy tears his eyes away from Ed and turns for the kitchen. He heads straight for the coffee pot and pulls out a fresh cup. There’s still a little left and he fills the cup and takes a long drink. It’s stale, but he barely tastes it. He drinks it all down then glances back toward the library. They’re out of time. Ed can barely even communicate anymore. Considering he has no idea if this is doing permanent damage to his mind…he has to act now.

Roy sets the coffee cup on the counter and walks quickly back to the library and over to his desk. He rummages through the top right drawer one handed until he finds a needle pinned in a spool of green thread. He slides into his chair then reaches for his alkahestry glove but then stops when he realizes it won’t work. The glove he used before was for his right hand, the one with the alchemy scar and the one he currently doesn’t have much use of. His shoulder’s still healing and right now he can open and close his hand, but he needs his usual dexterity to make this work. He can’t do this handicapped. That means he’ll have to use his left hand.

He presses his lips together in a firm line of determination and rummages through the drawer again for a plain, white left handed glove. It’ll take more work to stitch the array left handed, but he’ll make it work. He’s dealt with worse in the past and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t try everything. He scoots closer to the desk so he can rest his right arm, in the sling, on the fingers of the glove to hold it steady. It’s awkward and he pokes himself several times with the needle but slowly the form of his alkahestry array begins to take shape. He has to stop a few times to relieve the cramping in his shoulders and neck from hunching over the glove, but after about an hour he’s making the final touches on the two new symbols he’s adding to the array.

Roy sits up and stares down at the glove. This is only half of what he needs to make this work. He rubs the back of his neck and moves it from side to side in an attempt to relieve the stiffness. He needs to combine this array with his alchemic one and there’s only one way he knows for sure to make that work. He’ll have to cut his left hand. He stares down at his right hand, partially covered by the sling and shakes his head. When he cut his array in the back of his hand, he never expected to still be able to use it once it healed. But at the same time he’d been so focused on making sure it would work he cut it deep. He’ll need to do that same thing this time. He’s not taking any chances.

He pushes up from the desk with his left hand and slowly makes his way back to the kitchen. He rubs at his eyes when he sees the predawn light filtering through the window over the sink. Has he really been at this all night? He glances over to the empty coffee pot and briefly considers making more, but he needs his hand to be steady if he’s going to do this. Not to mention his empty stomach rolls at the thought of more caffeine. When was the last time he ate anyway?

Roy shakes off that thought and several others he knows are just distractions from his goal. He’s not happy about this, but he can’t put it off any longer. He pulls a razor sharp paring knife from the kitchen block then sits down at the table. He gives a brief thought to a quick flame sterilization but he’d rather just get on with it. He’ll have to hold the knife with his right hand and he’s hoping he can grip it tight enough. If he can’t, he’s really not sure how he’ll manage this alone.

He sets the knife on the table then carefully uses his left hand to lift the sling and his right forearm onto the table. His shoulder screams in protest, but he ignores it. If this works, Ed’s going to be in a lot more pain than he is right now. He picks up the knife again and puts it in his right hand. His fingers curl around it and he shifts until he has it as steady on the table as he can manage.

Time to finish this.

Roy draws in a slow breath then turns the top of his left hand to face the blade. He’ll have to do this backward by moving his hand instead of the blade but as long as he takes his time it should work. He blows out his breath slow and presses his flesh against the top of the knife. The sting makes him grit his teeth. It’s not too painful though, or maybe he’s just been through too much recently for it to register the way it should. He moves his hand slowly, carving the array millimeter by millimeter until the blood wells up and flows too much to see. A second pair of hands or a constant stream of water would be welcome right now. He pulls his hand back to wipe it on his shirt then tries to move his hand back into position quickly but it’s already too late. The knife’s already slipped out of position.

He wets his lips and tastes the tang of sweat. His shoulder is a low aching throb from using his right hand that he only now realizes is trembling lightly. He blinks when sweat drips into his eyes and he shakes his damp hair off his forehead. That’s when he notices the kitchen is a lot brighter than it was before. He’d like to take a longer break, but if he doesn’t do this now the cuts might not match up exactly. Why did this seem to go so much faster the first time he did it?

Roy shakes his head again then repositions the knife in his right hand. He forces his fist to clench around the blade as he brings his left hand back into place. One more deep breath and he slides the back of his hand against the bloodied tip of the knife to finish the second circle of his array. The first time he did this he never expected to be able to use the array once it healed. He knew some of the finer details would probably not scar so the fact it works with the alkahestry array is still a surprise. He considered trying to copy the remaining scarring on his right hand onto his left, but in the end he didn’t want to take any chances on a partial array. Now he grits his teeth as he makes the final cuts then sits back in the chair panting as the knife slips from his right hand.

The physical pain in his hand and shoulder are minor compared to the twisted up feeling inside him. For two days he’s been avoiding thinking about the details of what he has to do, but now he can’t escape it. He needs to use his glove against Ed again in a way he swore he never would. Are all his promises so easily broken? It was all fun and games when he cured that first headache for Ed and they discovered the unintended physical side effect of manipulating his energy. He later found a way to use the alkahestry without the…erotic results, but he can’t forget the first time they took it too far in the bedroom. He’ll never forget the way Ed screamed when he snapped to bring him pleasure and instead set all his nerves on fire.

Ed never blamed him for it. They’d both been wrapped up in the new and delightful sensations from the alkahestry. It was later when he used the glove to briefly short circuit Ed’s nerves so he could go heal Havoc that was crossing one line too far. They’re past it now, or at least they were, but what happens when he has to hurt him worse than he ever has before and can’t even tell him why? How can he even keep him still long enough to let him do it? He’s going to hurt him so much….

But what if he gives him pleasure first?

It’s a crazy thought, irrational, and in Ed’s current state completely inappropriate. But is it really so wrong? He knows he could still use the glove to make him feel good. It would be nothing to tap into his energies and use them for pleasure. If Ed were good and relaxed couldn’t that make the subsequent pain less severe? Roy runs his left hand over his face and sighs. He’s probably fooling himself, making up facts only to fit his hypothesis, but he doesn’t care. If he’s going to hurt him, he can at least give him a moment of peace first.

He stands suddenly causing the kitchen chair to nearly tumble to the floor behind him. He’d like to think this through, but if he does he might change his mind. He moves over to the sink quickly and runs water over the back of his left hand to wash away the drying blood. The cool water stings sharply as it slides over his skin but he ignores it and shakes his hand off to dry it. Then he carefully takes the sling off his right arm. He doesn’t want to risk anything distracting him when he does this and the damn thing is definitely irritating. He looks down at the freshly cut array on his hand and flexes his fingers. Now all he needs is Ed.

Roy walks back to the library and straight to the desk. He picks up the newly stitched alkahestry glove and runs his thumb over the additions to the array. Hopefully they’ll do what he thinks they will. He slips the glove in his front pocket then moves over to the couch Ed’s sleeping on and kneels down. Some of his long hair has fallen across his face again and Roy reaches out to brush it back with his fingers. Ed sighs softly and it makes Roy’s heart ache. He won’t even know what’s coming. He brushes his fingertips across his cheek again and speaks softly, “Edward, wake up. I need you to wake up for me.”

Ed makes a soft sound and shifts a bit on the couch. He turns his head slightly to rub his cheek against the arm his head is pillowed on. Roy stroke his hand lightly over his hair and Ed stretches out on the couch, his body briefly going tight with tension then relaxing completely. He yawns wide and then finally blinks his eyes open. The sleepy smile returns when he sees him and Roy wishes he knew it was actually for him. There are so many things left undone between them, all he can do is hope this works and they get a little more time.

“That’s it, Edward. Wake up. I need you to come upstairs with me.” Ed’s eyes blink and show no recognition at his words but he does push up slightly. Roy strokes Ed’s cheek with curled fingers and Ed immediately turns his head into his touch. Ed kisses over his knuckles and this time Roy doesn’t stop him when his lips brush over his wrist. He lets him kiss up his arm until he’s leaning off the couch and nuzzling against his neck. Roy runs his hand over Ed’s back and then slowly pulls away. As he expected Ed tries to follow him and Roy moves to his feet, guiding Ed to come with him. He reminds him of a yearling colt, striving to gain its feet. “That’s right. Come with me, Edward. You can be as close to me as you want if you come with me.”

Ed seems oblivious to everything but his touch and voice and Roy attempts to take advantage of it as he guides him toward the stairs. The loosely tied robe he’s wearing nearly trips Ed a couple times but Roy gets his left arm around him to help him along with each step to the bedroom. Ed’s problems walking don’t seem physical, but a complete lack of concentration as he’ll get too distracted trying to kiss Roy’s neck or looking at some random objet they pass by. He’s never seen him this unfocused and it makes him even more determined to end this whatever the cost. He does finally steer him into the bedroom and he leads him over to the end of the bed.

“Alright, Ed, I need you to lie down.” Both of Ed’s hands are curled in Roy’s button down shirt and he has to physically pry one away. He reaches across his body to pull Ed’s over hand away, but just as he does the first latches back onto him again. “Ed, please. You need to let go,” but Ed’s not having any of it. He’s nuzzling his face in the opening of Roy’s shirt and if anything he’s holding tighter to him. He feels Ed’s tongue tease across his skin and he can’t do this. Not like this. He thought he could, but he can’t. “Edward, stop, please.” He turns more toward the bed and leans over it to get Ed on it but Ed ends up pulling him down with him.

Roy pulls away as much as he can but Ed rolls toward him, following his every movement. He finally gets a little distance between them when he strokes his hand down the side of Ed’s face and threads his fingers through his hair. He’d forgotten how starved for touch Ed really is and how he could never get enough of them. Ed rubs against his hand, making soft, content sounds but then Roy’s eyes widen in shock at what he thinks he hears. He draws his thumb across Ed’s cheek then along his jawline and amid the soft purr-like sounds it comes again, low and throaty, but unmistakably “Roy.”

“Edward?” He moves closer to him and slides his hand down the side of Ed’s neck. Ed rolls a bit more onto his back and Roy follows him as he slides his hand inside his robe and across his collarbone. “Do you still know me, Ed?” Roy tries to catch his gaze but Ed’s eyes are constantly shifting between focused and unfocused. But somewhere deep inside, is that a spark of recognition? He slides his hand back along Ed’s skin to his neck and then he leans down to place a soft kiss against his jaw. “Are you still in there? Are you still mine?”

His words are soft and low against Ed’s ear and Roy doesn’t miss the unmistakable shiver that runs through him. He brushes his lips lightly against Ed’s jawline then impulsively flicks his tongue against the lobe of his ear. The reaction is immediate and it takes his breath away.

“Roooooooooooooooooooooooooy.”

Ed’s voice is lower than usual, more guttural and primal, but there’s no question the more Roy touches him, the more he knows him. Somewhere deep inside his Edward is still there. That’s the first real hope he’s had since seeing the flame absorbed into the blade and knowing what was poisoning him. Roy pulls back slightly to look at him and Ed’s still wearing that strangely innocent smile. His eyes are unfocused and difficult to read and he wonders if he was lying to himself. He’s about to pull back completely when Ed moves with surprising quickness and captures him in a sudden, deep kiss.

For as innocent as Ed may look in his delusional state, his kiss is anything but. It’s hot and deep with a trace of desperate possessiveness that takes Roy by complete surprise. He expected careful innocence or timidness, but this couldn’t be more different. It makes him believe his earlier theory that Ed is still inside and maybe this is how he’s trying to reach him. It’s a fragile hope but he has to believe it. When hasn’t Ed been able to do the impossible? He returns the kiss with his own fierce passion fueled by fear and desperation. He has to get him back. He can’t fail him now.

Ed tries to pull him down flush against him but he can’t get that distracted, however that doesn’t mean that Ed can’t. He slides his hand down Ed’s bare chest as the robe falls open and the low groan he gets in reply is anything but naïve. Roy kisses Ed’s neck then ghosts his fingers across Ed’s firm stomach. He smiles when Ed calls out his name again and this time there’s no mistaking it. He’s clearly with him, one way or another. Roy lets his hand drift down lower and then he captures Ed’s next cry with a kiss of his own as his left hand traces down Ed’s hard desire.

Hands thread through his hair and he growls low against Ed’s lips when they tug at the dark strands. That action alone wipes away any doubt in his mind because Ed knows how much he loves it when he pulls his hair like this. He’d like to give into it completely as true desire rushes through him for the first time, but he pushes it back. This isn’t the time and it’s not about him. This is about helping Ed and he can’t do that if he’s all wrapped up in want.

Roy pulls back and the whine he hears is unmistakably Edward. He’s never been one for patience and it seems that hasn’t changed at all. Roy smiles slightly. “It’s alright, Edward. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” Ed’s hands reach up to trace Roy’s face and neck, sliding through his hair and it’s easier to ignore the empty eyes when the touch is so familiar. Roy reaches into his pocket for his glove then uses his teeth to pull it on. The rough fabric stings against the fresh wounds on his hand but he ignores it and focuses completely on Ed.

Ed shivers hard when he slides his gloved hand over his bare chest and Roy knows it’s not just from the fabric. He activated the alkahestry array the instant he touched him and for now he just lets the energy flow between them. Ed’s golden eyes darken, his lips part in obvious desire and Roy draws his hand over his body slowly. Ed melts back on the bed, losing much of the desperation from a moment ago and Roy’s able to start focusing on his energies. He needs to see the stone or whatever is poisoning him and he runs his eyes over him. He’s been able to “feel” injuries before and visualize them when he knows what he’s looking for, but this is already different.

His eyes unfocus slightly and he sees _something_. It’s all over him and Roy nearly breaks the reaction when it reminds him of his dreams of Ed covered in red. It’s similar now, but instead of the red substance sitting on top of his skin it’s inside him…and he can _see_ it. But that’s not all he sees. In addition to the angry red running throughout his body, concentrated in his chest, in his arm where he was wounded and in his head, there’s a fine blue thread that connects everything in Ed’s body. It’s not something physical like veins or nerves, but it’s there all the same, and it’s also centered in his head and chest. Roy has no idea what it is and he has to reach out and touch….

Something electric runs through him when he touches the blue threads and it steals his breath away. His eyes widen when his skin tingles with a feeling he’s been familiar with for over half his life. It’s alchemy. There’s no question about it. He’s seeing Ed’s alchemy, or what he draws on internally to perform alchemy and that’s what the stone is feeding on. He spares a brief thought for the sheer implausibility of it all. He can’t have been the first one to see this. He blinks and leans forward, looking deeper and finds that all the angry red substance is intertwined with the blue as if it’s trying to choke the life out of it. That’s what he has to attack if he’s going to bring Ed back to him.

Roy draws back slightly, letting his eyes focus more on the physical now that he knows what he’s dealing with and he sees Ed spread out and panting underneath him. Roy’s surprised at his reaction at first until he realizes he’d never stopped touching him with his glove. Ed’s receptive and hypersensitive from the alkahestry because Roy’s made no effort to shield him from what used to be an unintended side effect. Now he wants to give him even more pleasure before he does what he needs to do. He leans down to kiss him hungrily and Ed’s moan touches him deep inside.

He kisses him until he has to catch his breath and whispers to him softly, “I don’t know if you can understand me, but I’m going to do something that’s going to hurt you, Edward.” He kisses him tenderly then trails kisses along his jaw. “There’s no other way I can get the poison out. It’s going to hurt, probably worse than before, but I’m going to make you feel good first. Ok?” He continues to touch Ed as he talks to him, and he doesn’t get the acknowledgement he’d hoped for, but hopefully on some level Ed understands.

Roy kisses over Ed’s body as he pushes the robe completely open. He only has the use of one hand for this, but it’s all he needs. He slides his left hand over Ed’s chest as he scoots down on the bed. Ed’s breathing is already ragged and he watches him through hooded eyes. He dips his head to kiss over his stomach then slides a little lower to draw his tongue slowly up and down Ed’s hard erection. He’s still not wholly comfortable with this but he does believe Ed is still there, buried deep inside his own mind. Ed jerks and whimpers at the touch and he deliberately keeps it light. Roy wants him as close to the edge as possible without going over. He will soon enough. Roy slides down a little more to kiss Ed’s inner thighs until he’s trembling lightly and he knows it’s finally time. He draws his tongue over him once more then sits up and places his left hand on Ed’s chest.

He activates the alkahestry array first until the same shift happens again and his eyes unfocus. He sees the blue strands running through Ed’s body like vibrant electricity more powerful than anything he’s ever seen before and the red throbbing substance trying to absorb it all. He focuses on that poison, tracing every inch of it as he activates the array he cut into his hand. There’s a rush of power, that familiar feel of heat burning inside him, and he directs it to the alkahestry array as he pulls his hand from Ed’s chest. He’s vaguely aware of Ed’s heavy panting and soft moans and he hopes he got him close enough, but there’s no time to check now. He won’t let it end here. This is for the future still unwritten. He narrows his eyes at the red substances winding through Ed’s mind and snaps his fingers.

For an instant the world comes to a stop.

Then it’s torn apart by a scream Roy will carry with him until the day he dies.

He’s certain the cry starts with pleasure, but it doesn’t end there as Ed jerks and screeches beneath him. His ears echo with the painful cry, agony personified, and he wants to stop immediately but it’s not enough. The red substance glows brighter and fear winds through his heart when for a moment it seems to be getting stronger. But he’s destroyed three Philosopher’s Stones. He knows his science is sound and he enhances the reaction, drawing more from his alchemy until he feels like he’s burning up inside. It’s only as the red poison glows so bright his eyes burn that he realizes the scream he hears is his as well as Ed’s.

But in the same instant, it’s over.

The red substance disintegrates before his eyes. He forces himself to hold the reaction a little longer just to be sure but it’s gone. He sees nothing and he breaks the reaction and collapses on the bed face first beside Ed. He’s vaguely aware of pain in his shoulder but it’s nothing compared to the fiery ache of alchemic aftershock through his body. The thought filters through his mind that he still doesn’t know what the permanent effects of doing this might be, but healing Havoc and Ed are more than worth it. He closes his eyes against the pain and floats in it, adrift in his own agony.

“Roy? Roy, are you ok? Hey, bastard, what the fuck did you do? You used the alkahestry again, didn’t you. Dammit, that fucking hurt.” Something sharp pokes him in the ribs and Roy wonders why Ed’s poking him with something metal. Doesn’t he know he’s hurting? “Open your eyes, Mustang. Talk to me, please. What did you do? Roy, damn it, please.”

Roy cracks his eyes open and then immediately closes them against the bright morning sunlight filtering through the window. He takes a slow breath then slowly opens his eyes again to find Ed’s face only inches away from his own. He jerks back in surprise and groans at the backlash that’s slowly fading fractionally. He forces another breath in and out and carefully pushes himself up. His body aches from forcing the alchemy through it but Ed’s talking again. Ed’s _looking_ at him angrily and it brings a smile to his lips. He’s angry with him. He’s Ed again. And that? That’s all he needs to know.

“Why are you grinning like that you idiot? You used the fucking glove on me in bed again, didn’t you? You promised you’d never do that. That fucking _hurt_ , Mustang.” Ed scowls and crosses his arms angrily. “Stop smiling at me. I’m pissed if you can’t tell.”

“You’re pissed.” Roy’s voice is rough and raw but he doesn’t care. “I never thought I’d be so happy to have you pissed at me.” Ed looks at him like he’s lost his mind and Roy rolls over to his back, grin still firmly plastered across his face. “How’s your head, Edward? Can you think?”

“Huh?” Ed stares at him for a moment then his eyes slowly widen. His mouth forms a small “o” and Roy swears he can see the wheels turning in his head. “You fixed me,” he whispers softly then looks around. He grabs Roy’s gloved hand and Roy winces as he lifts it and squints at the array on his hand. “I don’t feel sick.” A broad grin spreads across his face and that’s all Roy needs to see as he lets his eyes drift closed again. “You fixed m—”

He’s starting to slide into an exhausted sleep, but something sounds off about the way Ed’s words trail off. He opens his eyes to find him frowning and staring at his hands. Roy tilts his head and clears his throat. “Wha-what is it, Edward?”

Ed’s head jerks up and his eyes are wide with what Roy can tell is fear. He sits up suddenly, ignoring the flashing pain he feels and locks his eyes on Ed. No, no, Ed shouldn’t be looking like that. The substance is gone from his body. “What is it? What’s wrong?” Ed shakes his head slowly and claps his hands together and this time Roy sees it.

Nothing happens.

“My-my alchemy. It’s…gone. It’s just gone.” Ed’s pleading eyes lock with Roy’s and his voice is soft and small. “Roy, what am I going to do without my alchemy?”

Roy sucks in a breath because this is the last thing he intended or expected as a side effect. Ed looks lost and scared, but at least there’s intelligence in those eyes again. He still has his mind and he’s free of the poison and if that has a price…. He shakes his head slowly. They can get to that later. “You’ll be alright, Edward. You’re not alone. Alchemy or not, you’ll be alright.”


End file.
